Who Would've Done Such a Thing?
by BeccaBaby
Summary: A collection of one-shots detailing the misadventures of The Marauders, The Twins, and The Immortals  Next Generation . Based on all 550 of the Hogwarts Rules. After all, the rules had to come from somewhere, and Who Would've Done Such Things?
1. Honey, Spoons, Bees, and 'Puffs

**Hello everyone! Welcome to chapter one of **_**Who Would've Done Such a Thing**_**?**

**A quick summary: This story will be a collection of one-shots detailing the misadventures of The Three Greatest Generations of Pranking. The Marauders, The Twins, and The Immortals, who are James Sirius Potter, Fred Weasley II, and Canidae Jordon, Lee Jordon's daughter, Along with the occasional meddling of Jacob Black from Twilight. This story will focus on the Hogwarts Rules, and why they were invented… All 550 of them. After all, the rules had to come from somewhere, and Who Would've Done Such Things?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Wait let me check, nope I only got 20 bucks in my purse, I'm not rich. I didn't invent the rules either. Some fabulous person on the fabulous internet did. I'm just a thief ^^**

**Rule #1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors mean that they are covered in bees.**

"I'm bored," Sirius uttered the most dreadful words in all of Hogwarts history. Whenever Sirius was bored, interesting things happened. Well, interesting for the Marauders that is, and whoever is lucky enough not to be caught in the crossfire.

It was a calm, for now, winter day in the Marauders' first year. The four boys were as close as brothers. They stuck through thick and thin and already had the record for the most rules broken in a single year, and it was only February. The snow had kept the boys inside as the fluffy stuff was still pouring down from the skies. The four friends were in their dormitory, Sirius studying a muggle bathing suit catalog, James studying the best way to catch a snitch, Peter studying his friends, and Remus actually studying his Transfiguration. James, the greatest enabler in the world and bored himself, stopped playing catch with the snitch on his bed and looked at his best friend.

"Well, we can't have that, now can we?" James smiled evilly, completely ignoring the slowly reddening Remus. "Do you have anything in mind to cure us of this terrible disease?"

"Well, there's always dear old Snivellus as a source of entertainment. We could…."

"No, not Severus!" Remus interrupted before Sirius could tell his friends the details of his grand plan. "We just pranked him a few days ago, and were almost caught! McGonagall will be watching us around Snape even closer than usual. If you two must insist on getting someone, pick someone else that won't get us in as much trouble."

Remus tried to be a good boy, he really did, but it was physically impossible to stand up to James and Sirius when they set their minds on something. The best that he could do was to divert their attention to a less troubling target.

It worked. Sirius and James were silent for about 2.65 minutes, making silent communication with their eyes the whole time. Remus thought, quite naively, that they dropped the subject, but alas, it was never that simple with the two masterminds of the Marauders.

"HUFFLEPUFFS!" They screamed at the exact same time, conveniently after they had snuck behind Remus's chair so that he received the brunt of their exclamation. Our favorite werewolf jumped out of his seat and ended up hanging from the light on the dormitory ceiling.

"What are you doing up there, Remy?" James asked with a "concerned" face.

"Why, yes, whatever is it that you find so fascinating on the ceiling?" Sirius asked, looking mildly disapproving. "Are you trying to become a cat animagus? You know how dangerous those transformations are! Besides, you could never replace the dear old cat closest to our heart…."

"Minnie," sighed both Sirius and James with love struck eyes. This was too much for Peter to handle and his giggle fit turned into a full blown spaz attack. Even, Remus's stern scowl broke as a smile broke through the cracks while he climbed down from the ceiling.

"I would never dream of replacing dear Minnie, however I would love to see McGonagall's reaction if she ever heard you call her that." Remus smiled as the four friends settled down once again.

"Oh, it's simply marvelous," Sirius said, sitting next to James on his bed. "Remind me to take a picture of it next time, won't you?"

"Now what is it that you are planning to do to the poor Hufflepuffs?" Remus asked, giving his friends a skeptical look.

"Oh, nothing important," James waved off Remus's disbelieving look. "It's just the punch line to this new joke me and Sirius thought of."

"Tell me, Petey, Remy," Sirius took over, purposefully provoking Remus and Peter with the nickname that they hated the most. "What's black and yellow and sticky all over?"

"Ummm, a bee?" Peter asked, looking confused and hopeful at the same time.

"Close, but not quite…"James smiled his most devious grin.

_I have a bad feeling about this_ though Remus as he listened to the plans of the most evil masterminds of their generation

The next morning at the Hufflepuff breakfast table, there was quite a large amount of food with honey in it. The Hufflepuffs did not think anything of this strange occurrence, but instead dug into the wondrous meal with gusto. It wasn't until halfway through the meal that the slightly oblivious Hufflepuffs felt a slight poking sensation, but they ignored it.

It wasn't until the poking became more insistent that the 'Puffs finally looked for the source of their discomfort. Imagine their surprise when each and every Hufflepuff had at least ten spoons poking them! And that's not all. Each spoon was full of honey, leaving their robes a sticky mess.

The entire Great Hall started laughing as the Hufflepuffs started batting away the spoons, only to learn that whenever a spoon was pushed away, it started poking its victim even harder than before.

The few smart, or not-so-smart, Hufflepuffs that tried to spell their spoons away soon had double the amount of angry, honey-filled spoons attacked their robes.

But the fun hadn't even started yet, for the true purpose of the honey was yet to be discovered.

Yes, the honey did make the 'Puffs delightfully covered in the sticky, gooey substance, but there is one creature that likes honey even more than a bored Marauder.

Yes, you guessed it: Bees.

One "innocent" first-year Peter Pettigrew came down to breakfast, late as usual, only this time, he wasn't alone. Accompanying Mr. Pettigrew was a swarm of thousands of hungry bees. Imagine their delight when they saw other bees, GIANT bees, covered in delicious honey.

Surprisingly enough, the Hufflepuffs, did not enjoy their new buzzing friends. Neither did Professor McGonagall. She stormed down from the teacher's table with such a maleficent aura surrounding her that students climbed over each other to scramble away from the deadly professor. A few even ended up sharing the Hurrlepuffs' fate in the process of escaping.

McGonagall reached the four boys before they could run far enough away. She grabbed the back of Sirius's and James's robes with one hand and Remus and Peter with the other. Soon she was glaring at all four of them across from her desk.

"Now boys, who would like to tell me how the entire Hufflepuff population is currently covered in honey, spoons, AND bees." McGonagall asked, massaging her eyes.

"Now, Minnie," Sirius started, ignoring McGonagall's glare at the nickname. "Why would you ever think that innocent, first-year us could possible imagine, let alone have the ability to accomplish such a wonderful feat of pranking magic."

"Yes, Minnie," James picked up where Sirius left off. "We could have never thought to not only annoy the 'Puffs by poking them, getting them sticky, and making fools of them, but give them the joy of adding more bees to the ones that make up their fashion-blind yellow and black ensemble."

"Seriously, M-m-innie," Remus managed to spit out the nickname much to his friends', and McGonagall's surprise. "Who would've done such a thing?"

**Well I hope you liked it! This isn't my favorite rule, but it's still pretty cool.**

**Quick plug! If you like Twilight check out my other story, The Most Dangerous Kind. Nessie goes to Hogwarts with Al, Rose, Scorpius and all the rest of the Next Generation! I've planned out the whole thing and plan to work on it soon!**

**Please review! I can't improve my stories unless I know what to fix!**

**~Becca**


	2. Australians

**Hi there! Welcome to Chapter two! **

**Updates will be fast now, but will probably slack off eventually. My life is crazy as hell.**

**Here's chapter two!**

**-****BB****-**

**Rule 2:****No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do,**

**I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.**

**-****BB****-**

"That's it! I can't deal with you two anymore!" Hermione screamed. She was babysitting her two "favorite" nephews and they had just successfully blown up her favorite couch. She quickly fixed the couch and sat the two boys down on it, and by sat, I mean she conjured ropes out of her nifty little wand and forcefully tied them down.

"Now you two are going to stay right here while I go to the store to pick up some groceries. NO, you cannot come with me," Hermione cut off one red-head. "You two would destroy the entire store, and I can't be banned from another place! Besides, how much trouble can you two get into here? You're tied up, hehe. You know what, I take that back. You'll get into trouble somehow."

Hermione contemplated for a second, looked at the two slightly insane grins, and decided on a course of action. "Right, you two will stay right there on the perfectly fine couch that you DESTROYED. While you sit there and think about what you did. You're going to watch, and enjoy, educational television."

Hermione ignored their screams of protests and turned the telly to the Animal Planet station. She waved good-bye and left for the grocery store.

James Sirius Potter and his best friend, cousin, and partner-in-crime, Fred Weasley, were in trouble. They were tied up, stuck on a couch that still smelled like charcoal, and they were about to learn, _in summer_. It was a crime, but it was one they were stuck with. Aunt Hermione was gone, Uncle Ron was at the Joke Shop, Rose, Al, and their friend Jess were over Scorpius's house, and Hugo and Lily were with Fred's little sister Roxy, and his mother, Angelina, shopping for school supplies. The third member of their group, Canidae Jordon (Lee Jordon's daughter) was on vacation with her family. The two were stuck.

"You know, Fred," James said, struggling to loosen his bonds. "Aunt 'Mione's overreacting. I mean c'mon, how were we supposed to know that the coach would explode if we lit a match?"

"Exactly, James," Fred said, having the same amount of luck at freeing himself as his partner: none. "No one ever told us that gunpowder was flammable!"

"Well, we're stuck here for at least another hour. We might as well see what this crap is that we have to watch." James said, giving up. Little was he to know the wonders that Animal Planet was about to show him. Wonders named Steve Irwin.

**-****BB****-**

"Now class, who can tell me wha' this 'ere is?" Hagrid asked his fourth year Car of Magical Creatures Class.

"Now ain't this a beauty!" exclaimed Fred in his best Australian accent. "I'd have to say that this is the finest croc that I've ever seen!"

"Cricky mate, the croc's bloody wild! It's gonna tear the students apart!" James took over. The class was now staring at the pair like they had three heads. Cani just shook her head and was going over the best ways to run damage control for her over exuberant friends.

"Don't worry mate! I'll handle this!" Fred shouted and tackled the blast-ended skrewt to the ground. He wrestled with it for about 2.65 seconds before realizing that this was a very bad idea. The skrewt, however, did not agree with Mr. Weasley and had quite a bit of fun as it started bucking like a wild bull with a drunk cowboy on his back.

James stared at his friend for a little, laughing at the look of terror that Fred wore. He then fell into melee when Cani "accidently" pushed him right into the blast-ended skrewt. The two red heads struggled for about five minutes while the class looked on, laughing their asses off.

"Aren't you gonna help them?" Cani looked at Hagrid, the "teacher."

"I coul' say the same ta you," Hagrid replied. "Those two hav ta learn their lesson eventually. Maybe this'll be tha' time." The two looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

The skrewt took this moment to blast out of both end, injuring both boys with their cries of "Crikey!" and "Bloody Hell."

"I guess it's time I save both of their asses." Cani sighed before promptly rescuing her fellow Immortals….again.

**-****BB****-**

Now, Hagrid's great, but not even he could keep this from the McGonagall. So once the boys were treated for their burns in the Hospital Wing, they were soon sent on their way up to the headmistress's office.

When they got there, Cani was already in her usual chair, and McGonagall was wearing her usual scowl.

"Now, boys," McGonagall sighed, massaging her eyes. "Why in the world would you attack a blast-ended skrewt?"

"We didn't, Minnie." James smile, using the kitty's favorite nickname.

"Even we aren't that stupid," Fred inserted, answering Cani's snort with a number one salute behind his back, out of McGonagall's eyesight.

"Hmph, I find that hard to believe," McGonagall answered.

"But it's true Professor," Cani said, much to everyone's surprise.

"It is?" One very confused Headmistress and two confounded, but happy, teenage boys chorused.

"Yes, it is, well at least partly," Cani answered with her usual shut-up-while-I-dig-you-out-of-another-hole glare towards the two red heads. "We were in the middle of class when this Australian bloke dressed all in khaki showed up and wrestled the skrewt to the ground. These two idiots decided they needed to help the Australian, and helped him with the skrewt, only the guy disappeared! It was like he was a ghost, it was freaky! These two were left holding the bag, er, skrewt."

Cani finished to three open mouths. McGonagall quickly closed hers and the two boys followed. They had to give Cani's story some credibility.

"Well, Miss Jordon, while your story is…fanatical," McGonagall sighed. "I have no choice but to believe you, since you are an excellent student, even if you have a poor choice of friends, and I have no evidence to the contrary."

"Thanks, Minnie," Fred shouted, throwing his one arm around the headmistress's shoulders.

"After all," James threw his arm around her other shoulder. "Who would've done such a thing?"

**-****BB****-**

**R.I.P Steve Irwin**

**Hope you liked it!**

**A quick note, I didn't use their nicknames here, but I use these three a little in my other story, **_**The Most Dangerous Kind**_**. There, due to Cani's obsessions with mythology, they are The Immortals. They all have god nicknames. Cani is Hermes, Greek God of mischief, James is Loki, the Norse Trickster, and Fred is Susanoo, the Japanese trickster. Jacob Black, from twilight, (Ares) might also figure into these stories, as he is connected to them in TMDK. **

**Please review! Next up is our favorite set of Twins!**

**~ 3 Becca**


	3. Oliver Wood's Challenge

**Chapter Three! Two updates in one day, plus I busted out a history essay, I'm good!**

**Now it's time for two of my absolute favorite characters of all time!**

**Thanks to Shaz Black and ANessa Kedavra for adding this story to favorites/alerts!**

**Also thanks to 98 for reviewing. Next time sign in so I can answer you!**

**Double Disclaimer now 'cuz I forgot to do it last time: I don't own Harry Potter nor did I think of the rules all by myself. **

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 3: "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Hey Fred," The second-year called to his red-headed brother across the breakfast table, seeing their captain coming towards them. "How's your breakfast?"

"Just BEECHY, George," his twin answered, ignoring the scowling Quidditch captain.

"It's PINE? Mine's got no flavor; it's like its WOOD!"

"That's it, laugh it up you two," Wood grinned evilly. "I've heard every possible joke about my name. Now, let's see how funny you two think you are during DOUBLE Quidditch practice. We start at one. See you there." Wood walked away, relishing the groans that the twins were emitting.

"Double practice!" Fred moaned, spearing another sausage on his fork. "He really has gone bloody mad! There's no way it's gonna do anything, either! Ever since Charlie left, Gryffindor can't find a seeker that isn't terrible! Hell, Mueller is the worst I've ever seen! I can't believe he ever got on the team! Slytherin's gonna cream us and Wood's gonna kill us in the process!"

"Unless…" George looked at his twin with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "There is some hope for the Slytherin match. We are better than last year, since we actually know which way a beater's bat is held unlike her predecessors, but there's still Mueller to deal with. Won't it be an awful shame if he can't play?"

"Ahhh," Fred grinned, leaning back in his chair. "If he had, for example a quaffle to the head. Besides, I do believe dear Oliver issued a challenge to us."

"Yes, dear brother," George smiled. "I do believe he has." They then proceeded to emit their evil mastermind laughs and the entire Gryffindor table backed away very slowly for fear of what the two young geniuses had planned.

**~~~BB~~~**

Tristan Mueller was having an off practice. His broom kept acting up, and the bloody snitch was nowhere in sight…Like usual. In his three years as seeker, he'd never caught the snitch. NEVER. It didn't help that it was raining grims and kneazles and Wood was yelling at him, again. How a bratty fourth year was named captain and not the amazing seventh year, he had no idea. Mueller never realized that the captain had to be talented, well-liked, and respected by the other members of the team. Areas that he was sorely lacking.

It started as an itch in the back of his head. Just an itch. But soon, the sensation began scratching on the insides of his brain. Eventually, as a veil descended over his eyes, he realized that he couldn't help it anymore.

"Hey, Wood!" Mueller yelled, causing the keeper to allow a goal. "You TRUNK!"

"Trunk?" one troublemaker whispered to the other who was talking into his wand.

"Suck, Fred, suck."

"Not your best, Georgie-boy. How about I have a go at it?"

"What did you say, Mueller?" Wood screamed. At this point, the entire team was watching the exchange between the two upper-classmen. Not one noticed the two mumbling twins flying in the corner of the pitch.

"You heard me, you great LUMBERJACK-ASS! I'm the seventh-year here! I'm taking over this team! So why don't you just LEAF! You're not ROOTED here!"

Wood was sitting on his broom in shock. This gave Mueller *coughthetwinscough* all the encouragement they needed to continue.

"Don't just sit there like you got a STICK in the ass! What do you have ACORNS for brains? Did the SQUIRREL decide that it was gonna stop turning the little gears in your head?" Mueller paused for a second before deciding to continue with one last jab. "Why are you here anyway? It's not like you're getting the girls. No one wants the WOOD in your pants."

Wood sat there for one second more before rushing at Mueller with a great, feral scream. The two broomsticks made contact and only one boy remained seated. As Mueller was toppling to the ground, his eyes lost the thin veil that was clouding them and he screamed one word into the air.

"WEASLEY!"

"I think you went a little too far on that last one, twin."

"I just might have, twin. I think we may have to run, er, fly."

"What makes you say that?"

"WEASLEY!" Wood roared, turning his burning eyes on them. "You have 2.65 second to explain!" George recovered from the death threat first.

"Well, you see, Wood."

"We thought that the team WOOD actually like to beat Slytherin this year."

"And we would have no chance if Mueller was playing Seeker 'cuz he WOOD have never caught the snitch, now WOODY?"

"So now, Mueller's out of the game,"

"Maybe the season,"

"And we stand a shot,"

"Which we won't if you take out both of the team's beaters,"

"Just like you did to our poor Seeker,"

"Which you won't,"

"Because not even you are that BARKING mad!"

"And we know you'll make the right DECIDUOUS."

Wood took in several deep breaths, contemplating what they said, and realized that they were right. He also realized what he was going to have to put up with for the next four years. It wasn't a nice thought.

When the twins figured out that they weren't about to be murdered on the spot, they decided that they had to push their luck.

"Now, dear Oliver," Fred started.

"WILLOW please tell us if we met your challenge?"

"Had you heard any of the Wood jokes that were said before today?"

Wood's scream was all the answer they needed as they flew away from him and right into their favorite teacher.

"Hello, Minnie," Fred smiled.

"Race you back to your office?" George grinned before taking off and leaving McGonagall in the dust.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Well, boys," McGonagall sighed, massaging her eyes. "Would you care to tell me how you managed to put the Gryffindor seeker and keeper in the hospital wing?"

"Wood's in the hospital wing, too?" George asked, puzzled.

"We thought that Mueller was the only one injured," Fred said.

"No, George," McGonagall sighed.

"I'm, Fred."

"Whatever! Because of you demons, Wood had a nervous breakdown and is now recovering in the hospital wing!"

"What a shame."

"He never should have issued that challenge."

"I know I'm going to regret this," McGonagall sighed, trying to banish the evil grins from her mind. "But what challenge?"

"Why this morning at breakfast,"

"Wood said that he had heard every joke that had to do with his name."

"Mueller must have taken this as a challenge,"

"And given Wood a nervous breakdown in the process."

"But us, being the innocent angels that we are,"

"Were practicing our beating skills the entire time the commotion was going on."

"We have to be at our best for the big game!"

"Yes," McGonagall smiled her own evil grin now, scaring the twins. "Too bad you won't be playing in it. I don't know how, but I know you two were the cause of this and as a result you will have detention with me this Saturday!"

"But Minnie!" Fred whined.

"Seriously, it wasn't us!"

"We don't know who would've done such a thing!"

**~~~BB~~~**

**There you go! Shout outs to ****aliceinwonderland2000**** since I took some of the Wood jokes from her when I ran out of ideas.**

**Chapter four should be up soon! It's Marauders time!**

**Please please please review! I'm not getting a lot and it makes me sad ;(**

**~Becca**


	4. Doug Henning

**Chapter 4! Gotta love them Marauders!**

**Thanks to mermaidgirl45 for adding this story to favorites/alerts**

**Disclaimer: I only own all 10 of the HP books, not the ideas. Wait, what? There's **_**ten**_** books? No, I'm not crazy….okay I am, but there are ten. I'm not imagining that. Look it up.**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 4: Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Now you boys sit right here while I go get Professor McGonagall," Filch said to the four third year boys sitting in his office before he left, Mrs. Norris following him.

"What do you think this is about?" James asking going over to Filch's file cabinet to see if anything interesting had been confiscated since the last time they were in here. Which was yesterday.

"Oh, I don't know," Remus said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He started going through the filing cabinets too, but he wanted to decrease the size of his file. "It couldn't have anything to do with feathers, chocolate pudding, and a very angry niffler would it?"

"I can't wait for that damn map to be finished." Sirius complained from his position of rifling through the caretaker's desk. "Once it's done, we'll never be caught!"

"Minnie'll still find a way to get us," James mumbled, closing one drawer and opening another. "For some reason she doesn't trust us." He sounded hurt.

"Gee, I wonder why," Remus remarked. He had finished his file and was working on Sirius's next since it was the biggest out of the four. "Let's focus on our problem now. The map should be done in a month, max."

"They can't prove that it was us!" Peter squeaked, much too afraid to be going through Filch's things. "C-can they?"

"Of course not," Sirius confidently stated "As long as Prongs set everything up with Hagrid, we're in the clear."James stopped raiding the cabinet, his face slowly draining of color. "You did set up the decoys, right, Jamesy-boy?"

"I thought Remus was taking care of it," James whispered. "He's the closest to Hagrid!"

"I just got out of the Hospital Wing!" Remus exclaimed. "The Full Moon was two days ago, how was I supposed to set everything up! We agreed that you would take care of it!"

"W-we're caught then?" Peter whimpered, clutching the arms of his chair for dear life.

"Of course not," Sirius proclaimed, lacking his prior confidence. "We just need to set up a distraction, that's all. Then, we'll make our escape."

"It's a little short notice, isn't it mate?" Remus said, skeptical.

"Wait a minute!" James exclaimed, holding up a book in his hand like it was the bible. "I think we've got the answer to our problems right here."

**~~~BB~~~**

Filch came back to his office to find the four boys sitting in their seats right where he left them. Now, that should have tipped him off right away, but Argus Filch was not a very clever man. He sat in his chair and started stroking his cat, glaring at his victims.

"Thought you'd get away with it did you?" Filch smiled a rather disturbing smile. "Well I caught you lot red-handed this time! McGonagall is on her way right now and you four will be in for it then!"

"My, Mr. Filch," James started, sounding concerned. "You sound pretty upset. This doesn't have anything to do with us, does it?"

"Yes, you filthy little things," Filch practically screeched. "Three years now you've made my life a living hell, but no more! I'll have you expelled for this one and then I won't have to deal with you anymore!"

"But then who could you torture, bastard?" Sirius mumbled.

"What was that, boy?" Filch sneered.

"But we didn't know you hated us, Mr. Filch," Sirius smoothly replied. "If we knew what trouble we were causing you, we would've stopped years ago!"

"R-really?" Filch was surprised. As I said before, Filch was not a very clever man, and so he didn't notice the evil grins on two of them, the disapproving look on one, and the nervousness on the last.

"Really," Remus said, smiling his most reassuring smile. "You never told us, so we never stopped."

"You know what, Filchy-boy," Sirius got up and swung n arm around the care-taker's shoulders. "In honor of our new friendship, we've got a gift for you! Word around the castle is that you've wanted this for a while now."

"What is it?" Filch said, excited. The poor man rather liked presents, but since he was such a horrible person, no one ever gave him any.

"Ready for this," Sirius smiled, raising his wand.

"We just wanted to let you know that-" James lifted his wand too.

"DOUG BLESSES YOU!" The two troublemakers lowered the curtain hiding the monstrosity of a poster that was now permanently stuck to the wall behind Filch's desk. It was a rainbow poster with a drawing of Canadian magician Doug Henning sitting on it. Above the magician were the words "Doug bless you."

You see, a certain stag had found a Doug Henning book in Filch's cabinet along with other magical self-help books. The Marauders then decided that their favorite caretaker would love a poster of the flamboyant magic man in his possession.

And Filch wasn't proving them wrong. He was staring at the poster with his jaw on the floor.

"I knew you'd love it Filchy-boy!" Sirius said, throwing his arm around the old man's shoulders once more. "I mean, who wouldn't? That hair,"

"That jumpsuit," James put his arm around Filch's other shoulder.

"Who wouldn't want to be him!" Sirius exclaimed, extremely proud with himself. Remus shook his head at his friends' lunacy and began counting down in his head for the inevitable explosion.

3…2…1…

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Filch erupted, throwing the two teenagers' arms away from him. "THE NEXT TIME THAT I SEE YOU FOUR I SWEAR I'LL WHIP YOU, RULES BE DAMNED!"

The friends scrambled out of the office before any harm could come to them. Unfortunately, that was not what fate had planned for them since they ran straight into their favorite teacher.

"Well boys, you know the way," McGonagall smirked.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Well boys, let's just not discuss the niffler incident for now," McGonagall sighed, what had she done to deserve this? "I really don't want to know how you managed to make enemies of the entire Hufflepuff sixth year class. Now why, in the name of Merlin, would you put that, that, that monstrosity up in Mr. Filch's office?"

"Well, Minnie," Sirius started. "Filch was pretty angry about the niffler incident."

"And we really can't blame him," Remus said, wanting to run a little damage control. "Who wouldn't be angry with 400 liters of chocolate pudding to clean up, not to mention the feathers-"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin," McGonagall cut in. "I know the state of the third floor corridor, thank you very much. I'm more interested in what you did afterwards."

"You see, Minnie" James picked up where Sirius left off, ignoring McGonagall's glare. "We wanted to make it up to old Filch so we put a poster of his hero up in his office."

"And now he gets to look at that fashion nightmare every day! Who wouldn't have done such a thing?"

McGonagall looked at the four boys' grins at just shook her head.

**~~~BB~~~**

**Well, you like it? Please review! It makes me happy and make me type faster, although I'm doing pretty good right now…surprisingly.**

**If anyone wants to know what the poster looks like just take out the spaces and go here: http:/ www. doughenning. com/ wiki/ index. php/ Main_ Page**

**It's the one on the left.**

**Next time** **I will not go to class skyclad with our new Immortal friends!**

**~Becca **


	5. Paganism: A Prelude to the Sixties

**Chapter 5! I hope you all had a very happy New Year's. 2011 should be a great year…hopefully.**

**Quick reminder, The Immortals nicknames are Loki-James, Hermes-Cani, and Susanoo-Fred, but Susanoo will be shortened to Sus most of the time since it's so damn long. **

**Thanks to LunaLestrange-AllyS, DracoHermioneForever, CarinaJonesfor adding this story to favorites/alerts.**

**Also, thanks to LunaLestrange-AllyS for adding me to favorites/alerts. **

**Disclaimer: Actually, I do own Harry Potter…jk **

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**Rule 5: I will not go to class skyclad**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Okay everyone, tomorrow you'll start your presentations on ancient rituals. Class dismissed." Professor Teddy Lupin finished his sixth year History of Magic class. Ever since he had taken over the subject from Binns five years ago, students were actually taking history NEWTs, even his three favorite students. "James, Fred, and Cani, could you stay after for a second?"

The three friends exchanged glances; they hadn't done anything recently to get in trouble with. Plus, it was Teddy. They only got in trouble with the fellow prankster when the joke was really good, or bad depending on your point of view.

"Wassup Ted?" James smiled as they got to his desk. Teddy ignored him. He had given up on making the Immortals call him Professor Lupin the first year he had been teaching. Fortunately, they didn't call him his real name when other teachers were around.

"I just wanted to set a few ground rules for your presentation, since you three will be going first." Teddy smiled at their groans.

"What good is it being friends with the teacher if you don't get special privileges?" Fred pouted.

"Well, think about it this way, boys," Cani smiled. "This way our presentation will have more of an…impact on the student body." Teddy didn't like her evil grin. Cani was usually the sane one, well she was the one with the least insanity.

"And that's why there are rules." Teddy smiled his own evil grin. "Rule number one: No fatalities, maimings, or injuries of any kind to yourselves or the rest of the class." This deflated them only slightly. "Rule two: No hallucinogens of any kind." This deflated them even more. "And rule three: No mental scaring. Poor Kerishma is still unable to go near sporks for Merlin's sake." Teddy tried to look serious and failed. The four laughed for a good five minutes at the memory.

"I think that's it," The Immortals turned to leave. "Oh, wait, I forgot. If you fail to abide these rules I will not only call all of your parents," This only scared James since George and Lee would love it. "But I will also call Molly." Now they all looked scared. "Professor McGonagall will be there to catch, I mean observe you."

"Minnie will be there?" James asked, his face brightening. "That's just perfect! We wanted her to see this, didn't we, Sus?"

"That we did, Loki. She's gonna love this!" Fred grinned.

"And don't worry," Cani put in, seeing Teddy's worried face. "It won't break any of your rules."

They left, talking and laughing. Despite Cani's reassurance, Teddy still had doubts.

_I'm going to regret this assignment, I just know it_

**~~~BB~~~**

The next day, the History of Magic class was abuzz with excitement. The Immortals were going first. Was there going to be a sacrifice? A bunny wielding a spork? Pot? No one knew, not even the two teachers sitting in the back of the classroom.

"What's taking them so long, Theodore?" McGonagall asked, pursing her lips. "I don't trust what they will come up with given enough time."

"Don't worry they'll behave, I gave them rules." Teddy smirked, knowing that he had them cornered. McGonagall stared at him, incredulous.

"And since when have they payed attention to rules?"

"Since I threatened to sick Molly Weasley on them."

"But," Before McGonagall could give voice to anymore of her fears, all of the lights in the classroom went out.

A spotlight shone on the curtain blocking off the stage in at the front of the room. The spotlight was projecting the words _"The Immortals Present: Paganism: A Prelude to the Sixties." _No one was questioning how the three had not only gotten muggle technology to work in Hogwarts, but that they had such an elaborate set up. Nothing that they did could surprise them anymore. Or so they thought….

"Welcome, friends, gits, and Professors," Cani walked on stage, a heavy white cloak wrapped around her. "I'll be your host for this fine performance of _Paganism: A Prelude to the Sixties_ Now in Ancient times, Pagans had elaborate rituals held in places that had vast amounts of natural magical powers. Good pagans wore white robes to signify their purity, while evil pagans wore black to signify their alliance with the devil. They often sang and/or chanted as an early version of spells."

Fred and James walked down the aisle towards the stage, chanting. Fred wore a black cloak, which looked suspiciously like a Deatheater's, and James wore a white one, which looked like a Deatheater's robe dyed white.

They climbed onto the stage and the curtains parted to reveal two altars. Each had an object on it and was covered in a cloth, one white, one black. Cani moved to stand between the two altars.

"They did not use wands, instead they used sacrifices to amplify their natural power. Good pagans used magical beasts." James removed his sheet to reveal a stuffed wolf. The wolf was painted a bright turquoise blue. Teddy growled.

"Bad pagans sacrificed other witches or wizards." Fred removed his sheet to reveal a mannequin in a black and emerald cloak, her gray hair pulled back into a severe bun, and some whiskers pasted onto her face. McGonagall growled. Both boys pulled out long, wickedly sharp knives and began to stab their "victims," chanting the entire time.

"In order to get closer in touch with nature, pagans often ingested various plants and roots to go into a trance-like state." Both Fred and James grinned and ate what looked like brownies, staring at the back of the classroom the entire time where they knew the two disapproving teachers sat. They moved from behind their altars to stand on either side of Cani.

"Finally, Pagans, both good and bad shed their earthly coverings in order to get closer to the magical other-world." Cani, Fred, and James shed their cloaks to reveal that they were wearing….nothing.

The class erupted into chaos. Some fainted, some grew green with jealousy, and some fell in love. There were two people however that did not feel any of these emotions. These two people felt the demon of anger and violence swelling inside of them. The Immortals saw this and decided it was time to go to their escape plan: Run like hell.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Now tell me why you three decided to go skyclad in class when Professor Lupin laid down specific rules not to." McGonagall asked. They were all in her office, and they were all fully clothed.

"We didn't break any of the rules, Minnie!" James exploded. "We would never disrespect a teacher like that!" Cani snorted and Fred gave her the much loved salute.

"You weren't allowed to kill, maim, or injure any of your class."

"We didn't. We killed, maimed, and injured the dummies," Fred said.

"You weren't allowed to use any hallucinogens."

"Which we didn't. We sacrificed historical accuracy and used just plain brownies, not special ones." Cani said.

"And you weren't allowed to mentally scar anybody!"

"I don't see how we could have scared anyone this time." James said, puzzled. "Do you, Cani, Fred?"

"Not at all, mate."

"I thought we were giving them a good show."

"You never imagined how some of the more sensitive students would react to seeing two penises, a vagina, and a pair of boobs?"

"Minnie!" James scolded. "I'm appalled at you!"

"What teacher would've ever said such a thing to three innocent students!" Fred said.

"If you three are innocent, then I'm the Minister of Magic." McGonagall muttered.

"Here's your bowler hat, Minnie," Cani said with a smile, holding out the lime-green hat.

McGonagall had no response.

**~~~BB~~~**

**There you go! It's back to school for me tomorrow. Joy. **

**Hope you liked it! Please Review!**

**Next Time T****he Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

**~Becca**


	6. Into the Woods to Get the Squid

**Chapter six! School is hell…surprise surprise, but I don't have to go tomorrow!**

**I'm gonna warn you now. This chapter is based off of a musical called Into the Woods. My high school is doing it, and when I saw the ball, I immediately thought of this and it wouldn't let go. It's basically A Very Weasley Cinderella. IF there's some random thing you don't understand, It's reference to the play.**

**Thanks Rue-the-Marauder, NUDGELOVER, and Zil Sottil to for adding this story to favorites/alerts!**

**Now I have to say that I do not own Harry Potter, Into the Woods, Wicked, RENT, or Les Mis….but I do own music from all of them! Just not the rights…**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 6: The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

**~~~BB~~~**

The corridors of Hogwarts were in shambles. People were screaming, spells were climbing, and the adults tried to keep the peace as best as they could. This was it. The big one. Every person's nightmare, and strangely some of their best memories

A School Dance.

The Yule Ball was that evening, and unfortunately, not everyone was ready. It seemed that the two six year red heads were not a part of this group, but sadly they were. Oh, sure, they had their dates, their dress robes (decent ones, not the Merlin-awful things that Ron had gotten), and they had their charming good looks, but they did not have the thing that they wanted more than anything in the world: a good prank.

"You know what I wish for, more than anything?" Fred asked.

"More than life? More than the moon?" George answered.

"The school is having a Yule Ball. I want to pull a prank at the Yule Ball," Fred told him.

As they were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, lamenting their situation, Hermione, Harry, and Ron came in and overheard them.

"You want to pull a Prank?" Hermione asked, disgusted. Harry and Ron joined in. "You Fred and George, a prank? You want to pull a prank? A prank? At the ball?"

"A prank," Hermione sneered.

"Think of your pasts."

"Think of our guests."

"It'd be a disaster!"

"But Nevertheless…"

"You'd make us fools of the Tournament and mortify Hogwarts!" The Golden Trio laughed an odd winding laugh that ended in a cackle and them disappearing up the stairs. Fred and George looked at each other, not sure what happened when Hermione came down holding a box in her hands. She emptied the contents of the box into the fire before Fred and George's eyes.

"I have emptied this box of SPEW badges into the ashes. If you have picked them out, cleaned them, and sold them in two hours time, you can pull a prank at the ball." She disappeared upstairs to finish getting ready for the Ball.

Fred and George looked at the fire, then at each other, and then the fire again. The dove for the badges and dug them from the hot coals with their bare hands.

"This is perfect Georgie-boy!" Fred said when they took the last badge from the fire.

"That it is, Fred!" George smiled. "Now Hermione won't tell on us! We're all clear for international pranking stardom!"

"Come on George! Pick through the ashes! Swiftly pick and peck and sift through the ashes!"

But everything was not as easy as it looked. Oh, the Twins got the badges out of the fire and all cleaned up in a jiffy, but they were SPEW badges. No one wanted to buy them! It took the entire two hours, a well-placed blow with a staff, and a couple of magic beans, but eventually the last badge was sold, just as Hermione and the boys came downstairs.

"You know, I still think we should have turned him into a toad, or a dog, or a chair," George said, thinking about their last customer.

"Yea," Fred agreed. "Or a sn…." He entered a weird trance state.

"Fred? Fred!" George screamed in his ear until he snapped out of it.

"Boys! It's time to go!" Hermione called.

"Now can we play a prank?" The Twins smiled.

"A prank?" Hermione frowned. "Darling the past, Darling the guests! Badges are one thing but darling, you jest! You'd make us fools of the tournament and mortify Hogwarts!"

"Everyone's waiting!" Ginny called.

"We must be gone!" Hermione smiled and left. Ron and Harry following close behind her. Ginny was about to leave when she caught a hold of the Twins' sad faces.

"Good-bye, Ginny," They smiled at her before she was dragged downstairs by Hermione.

"I wish…" Fred said. "I still want to pull a prank? How are we to pull a prank?"

"Wait," George said. "I know! We'll visit the Marauder's place! The place at the Whomping Willow! And see if we can get an idea from them!"

"Into the Woods!" They both screamed, struck superhero poses, and left the Common Room.

**~~~BB~~~**

On their way to the woods, the Twins passed their little sister in red robes stuffing her face.

"Hello Little Girl," They said.

"Hello Mr. Twins," Ginny said warily, protecting her food.

"Make sure to save some of those sweets for Neville!"

They moved on and came to Fleur and Davies making out in the bushes. They could hear Davies mutter to Fleur…

"This is just our moment in the woods."

As they came to the Whomping Willow, they saw Neville chasing a milk-white cow. They watched as he made a fool of himself, and then continued on their way. When they got to the tree, they decided, what the hell! We might as well talk to it.

"We've been bad and we've been fiends, Marauders doing what we learned from you."

"Why then are we left behind, Marauders, is there something more that we must do? We wish!"

It was then that the voice of Prongs came to them.

"Do you know what you wish? Are you sure that what you wish is what you want? If you know what you want, then make a wish. Look at the lake! And you shall have your wish….gits."

The twins looked at the lake, then at the tree, and then at each other once more. This would be good.

**~~~BB~~~**

They entered the Ball as if everything was normal. The trio was making fools of themselves, of course. Fleur was now dancing with Bill, and Davies was slathering over Ginny, who was dancing with Neville. Nev was watching his gran eat steak…white steak. The Twins whispered a few words to the band, and they stepped onstage to speak to the gathered crowd.

"Dearly beloved," Fred said, head bowed. "We are gathered here to say our good-byes. Here she lies –"

"Fred, that's RENT you git," George muttered, loudly for the entire room to hear. "Wrong play mate."

"Oh, sorry. Okay how about, The trouble with schools is, they always try to teach the wrong lessons.."

"Wicked, mate."

"Masters of the House?"

"Les Miserables."

"Damn, I can't catch a break can I?" Fred said. "How about you take it from here, Georgie."

"Well, everyone!" George said. "It's the last midnight! I'd very much like our foreign friends to stay with me, especially you Miss Delacour, but I know things now and I know that you must all leave eventually, and it's not your fault. Now, before you leave for your happily ever afters, I just wanted to introduce you all to my wonderful date for the night! I tried to tell her to never wear pink to a ball, or mauve, but at least I don't think she'll open her mouth. Now she's waiting on the steps of the castle, so without further ado, the lovely…"

"GIANT SQUID!"

The squid was magicked in by the two twins and she instantly filled the entire Great Hall. They had somehow managed to fix a giant mauve ball gown on it with large pink bows which took up even more room then the giant sea creature. Apparently, the creature did not like the ball, and everyone was soon covered in thick black ink.

"WEASLEYS!"

"Music to our ears!" Fred smiled.

"Now, to our foreign friends, I must remind them, that while at first, we seem mysterious."

"We really are nothing serious."

"We're the Weasley Wizard Wheezes!"

"Wizard Prankster Extraordinaire."

**~~~BB~~~**

"You two know nothing of the agony I'm going to put you through!" McGonagall said. "I swear I'm going to lock you both up in the astronomy tower for 14 years and see if you think it's funny then!"

The Twins just smiled at her.

**~~~BB~~~**

**I hoped you liked it. This chapter was a bit different than the rest are. And check out the plays I mentioned! They're some of my favorites, in addition to Phantom of the Opera.**

**Now, A lot of people are adding this to fav's, alerats and all that good stuff, but there aren't a lot of reviews…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! With pepper imps on top?**

**Next Time: I will not use Umbridge's quill to write I told you I was hardcore**

**~Becca**


	7. Weasley goes hard Hardcore

**Lucky number seven!**

**This chapter has some slight fluffiness in it. It was fun, but I like writing humor/angst better. Still, gotta mix it up some, right?**

**Oh, and I just have to say. I just saw Les Miserables for the first time and it was amazing! I loved it so much! If you like musicals, you should so check it out, but know what it's about first, cuz if not you'll be hopelessly lost. There were eight words spoken in the entire three hour play. Eight words. Nuff said.**

**Thanks to mermaidgirl45 for adding this story to favorites/alerts!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, hence the reason this is fanfiction and not a published book I could be making millions off of.**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 7: I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore."**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Hey, girls," The red headed seventh year grinned from his broomstick. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"We were wondering if you would like to spend the day in Hogsmeade with us." His twin smiled at them. Angelina and Alicia smirked at the brothers. Practice had just ended for the day and everyone was heading to the locker rooms. Fred, George, and the two chasers were the last ones on the pitch.

"Now why would we ever do a thing like that?" Angelina asked, flying closer to the two beaters. "Anyway, we're all meeting up with Harry and that lot in the Hog's Head, aren't we?"

"Why yes," Fred plastered on his most innocent (guilty) grin. "But we won't be spending the whole afternoon in that dirty pub, now will we? What are you planning on doing after the meeting?"

"Don't you girls deserve a spot of fun with the best looking blokes in school?" George wore the same grin as his brother.

The two girls had a silent conversation that only girls can have. The twins waited with baited breath and were answered with two smiles.

"Okay, boys," Alicia grinned with a wink in George's direction. "We'll spend the afternoon with you. See you at the Hog's Head."

"See ya." The twins chorused at the same time. They watched the girls of their dreams fly off into the sunset and couldn't help but think that they were the luckiest men on the face of the planet.

**~~~BB~~~**

The next morning dawned bright and sunny. The twins and Lee went to Zonko's to take inventory of all the joke products that they had and didn't have, checking out the competition. Not that Zonko's knew that there was competition.

When they finished, they headed over to the Hog's Head where a large group of Hogwarts students of all Houses (minus Slytherin) were gathered. They drank some butterbeer and did some plotting, and it was an overall success. Especially for the twins. The entire meeting was spent with Fred and Angelina exchanging glances and George and Alicia doing the same.

When the meeting was finally over, they bid their ado's to Lee, who had his own date with his long-time girlfriend Katie Bell, and started walking through Hogsmeade. Fred and George's original plan was to bring the two to a secluded area and snog them senseless. The girls however, had a different idea.

"George, I'm really cold," Katie said, snuggling deeper into George's side. "Do you think we could go to Madam Puddifoot's? Some tea is just what I need."

"Sure, baby, whatever you want." Rule number one, George thought; always give the girl what she wants. "Fred, Angelina, will you be joining us?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, George thought. He did not want to be stuck at Madam Puddifoot's without his other half.

"No, I don't think so," Angelina said, not noticing George's horror and Fred's delight. "All the perfume there makes me sneeze. We're going to go to the Three Broomsticks. See you guys back at the castle." They walked down the street, laughing and smiling the entire time, leaving George to quietly suffer while he entertained his girlfriend.

They entered Madam Puddifoot's and luckily sat near a window. George opened it so that he wouldn't be knocked out by the noxious fumes in the air. They both ordered tea and settled down to just relax and talk…and snog if George had anything to say about it.

"Wasn't that meeting wonderful? Harry's so brave! I would never be able to stand up to You-know-who like that! How do you think he did it? What do you think we're going to learn first? Oh, I hope I can keep up with it all!" And so it continued. Every time George tried to change the subject, Alicia just had to bring up _Harry_ and the _meeting_. It was the worst date ever.

That is unless you count his twin's date across town which was proceeding in much the same way.

"And did you hear? He can produce a Patronus! A full patronus! A can't do that and I'm a full two years older than him!" Angelina said, astonished taking a swig of her butterbeer.

"You know, I can produce a patronus," Fred lied his ass off, hoping to impress the girl. She didn't fall for it.

"Haha, yea right," Angelina laughed. "I know you Fred Weasley, better than anyone, except George that is, and you cannot produce a patronus."

"Hey, I'm pretty hardcore. I'll prove it to you one day." Fred tried to dazzle her. She smiled at him gave him a quick kiss.

"You're a prankster, not a fighter." Angelina said. Fred's grin grew bigger and he pulled her over so that she sat on his lap.

"What about being a lover?"

"You're that too, love." Angelina laughed. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the dark corner of the Three Broomsticks getting to know every inch of each other's mouths.

It turns out George _was_ the one with the worst date ever.

**~~~BB~~~**

It wasn't until several weeks later that Fred figured out a way to prove it to Angelina the he was hardcore. Harry had just come back from one of his detentions with Umbridge when he ran into the twins planning one of their best pranks yet which involved green paint, cereal, and rainbows. It was when they caught sight of his hand and Harry explained how that scars had gotten there that their plan was formed.

The next day in Defense Against the Dark Arts, the Twins made sure to sit in the very front of the class, which should have warned Umbridge that something was up, but she never did have all of her Gobstones.

"All right students, please hand in your essays on who you believe The Greatest Wizard of all Time is according to the guidelined set forth by Mr. Slinkhard." The Great Toad told her students. About twenty papers flew into her stubby arms. "Very well, now please read Chapter 10 while I grade these."

There was a flurry of page turning and then the room grew very silent while the class "read" the chapter. It was like this until Umbridge read a particular set of papers.

"What is the meaning of this?" She squeaked, glaring at the Weasley Twins.

"Why, Professor," Fred asked, innocent-like.

"Whatever do you mean?" George finished.

"We thought it was quite obvious,"

"That even you would be able to understand what our papers were about,"

"But it seems we were wrong, Twin,"

"Yes, whatever will we do with teachers these days?"

"Merlin knows, Merlin knows."

"The papers, boys," Umbridge said through clenched teeth. "Explain them."

"Well, we believe that the Greatest Wizard of all Time according to the guidelines set by Mr. Slinkhard is Harry Potter."

"Do you have a problem with that, Dolores?"

"I believe that you'll find our paper quite factual."

"Detention, both of you!"

The next day, Fred walked up to Angelina, gave her a big kiss, and sat down next to her. George did the same with Alicia across the table.

"You two look a little too happy," Alicia said, suspicious. "What did you do now?"

"Now why do you keep insisting that every time I'm happy it's because of some nefarious scheme," George pouted. "Can't I just be happy to see the love of my life?"

"The love of your life is your pranks, George," Angelina pointed out. "Now cut the crap. What did you two do?" The twins looked at each other and shrugged.

"We just proved you wrong, that's all," Fred whispered into her ear so seductively, she shivered.

"How?" Alicia asked, eyebrow raised.

Both twins raised their hands to show them the words engraved on the back of their skin. At the same time they said:

"I told you I was hardcore." The girls both screamed and McGonagall came running to the Gryffindor table. She took one look at their hands and her face grew as red as the legendary Weasley hair.

"My office. Now!"

**~~~BB~~~**

"Boys," McGonagall said, rubbing her forehead. "These are dangerous times. You two know that better than anyone. Why would you deliberately harm yourselves and make an enemy of the one person at Hogwarts who can make your life a living hell?"

"Now, I resent that, Minnie," Fred scowled.

"Dolores does not make our lives a living hell!"

"In fact, she quite improves it!"

"After all she is such a great target!"

"Fine," McGonagall said, trying, and failing, to hide her grin. "But why would you make a mockery of such a terrific punishment that many of the students here, including Potter and Jordon, two of your closest friends, have had to face?"

"Simple, Minnie," George smiled. He and his twin both raised their hands so that she could read the words written on them.

"I told you I was hardcore!"

**~~~BB~~~**

**Well, you like it? Please please please review!**

**Next Time I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".**

**~Becca**


	8. Showers

**Chapter Eight! Some more fluff, Marauder style this time!**

**Thanks to Twilightgrl101 and Naie Masen Cullen for adding this story to favorites/alerts!**

**You know the drill, I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its rights.**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 8: I will stop referring to showering as giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful.**

**~~~BB~~~**

It was a normal afternoon at Hogwarts. Sirius was getting ready to head off with his girl of the week, James was getting ready to go off with Lily, Peter was getting ready to go of with his girlfriend (yes, surprisingly he can have a relationship!), and Remus was getting ready to go off to his studying.

Remus was always afraid of getting close to the opposite sex. His inner wolf was a constant threat to everyone he loved. He refused to put another person in danger of either death or infection by his hands, well claws. So he refused all offers of company by the many girls attracted to him, for truly, there were plenty of females who liked the brainy werewolf.

"You know what, we need to set you up with somebody fast, Moony," James said. "Pretty soon everyone will start thinking you're not interested in girls."

"Yea right," Remus snorted. "Who would I be interested in, Padfoot?" The two looked at each other and burst into a fit of laughter that went on for a good five minutes.

"Good point, but still, when was the last time you went out with a girl?" James asked after the laughter had died down.

"Well, there was….And there was….And what about …"Moony trailed off, unable to think of anyone.

"Exactly," Sirius smirked. "Even Wormtail over here has a girl. We need to set you up, Remus."

"Hey!" Peter protested. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, Wormy, nothing," James quickly quieted the rat down. "But Remus, there are plenty of girls, what's holding you back?"

"You know what…" Remus said, dejected.

"Remus," Sirius said, suddenly, well, serious. "If the girl really loves you, she won't care about that. Look at James! Lily doesn't care about the fact that he's a massive prat! She accepts him and loves him."

"You know what, we're going to set you up!" James decided. "Me and Sirius have a double date tonight. I'm gonna ask Lily if she and Marlene could bring their friend along. You know, that nice Annie Smith?"

"Isn't she going out with Freddie Chang?" Remus asked, eyebrow raised. He liked Annie, but he really didn't want to go on a date tonight.

"Eh, they're on a break right now. Freddie wants to enter Auror training next year and Annie thinks it's too dangerous. They got into this monster fight, and I'm sure she'll go out with you!" James said.

"Fine," Remus said. "But I have a bad feeling about this."

**~~~BB~~~**

His bad feeling turned out to be right. The three couples decided to spend a romantic evening picnic by the side of the lake. They got to the spot that the Marauders had picked out and sat down. They had just unwrapped the food when Sirius stood up.

"You know, I don't feel very hungry." James and Remus started choking on their swallows of pumpkin juice. "Would you like to join me in a walk on this fine evening my beautiful Marlene?"

"Why? I'm hungry" Marlene pouted.

"I wanted to show you the new Quidditch move I was talking about," Sirius said, eyebrows waggling. Now Annie and Lily were turning a bright red, but Marlene still didn't get it.

"But you don't have your broomstick!"

"Yes, actually I do. I shrink it and keep it in my pants, but when moments like this come up it grows, waiting to be ridden."

"Ohhh," Marlene said, finally getting it. Everyone else slapped themselves on the forehead. "Sounds good. Can I play Keeper?"

"Sure, I'll be the Quaffle." They left quickly after that much to everyone's relief.

There was an awkward silence before the conversation turned to the upcoming NEWTs. Eventually all the food was eaten and Lily and James went off to do something that Remus didn't want to know about.

"I thought they'd never leave!" Annie exclaimed. "Now kiss me! I haven't been kissed in so long!"

"What, Freddie doesn't kiss you?" Remus asked, bewildered and totally incapable of talking to girls.

"Freddie! Oh, Why does he insist on becoming an auror? I just know he's gonna get himself killed!" Annie started weeping into Remus's shirt. Remus had no idea what to do so he spent the rest of the night holding the sobbing girl until he was eventually rescued by James and Lily several hours later after they had finished whatever they had been doing.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Women!" Remus Lupin shouted. He was in the prefect's bathroom taking a nice, relaxing shower. He was thinking about the terrible date and decided that he was going to kill James and Sirius for setting him up with such a moody girl.

"Awww, what's wrong with them?" A female voice asked. Suddenly, a ghostly face appeared in Remus's stall. He yelped and scrambled to find something to cover himself. He came up with a loofa. Don't ask why a manly 17 year old had a loofa. It makes him feel pretty.

"What are you doing in here Myrtle?" Remus screamed. "This is the boys' bathroom!"

"Actually it isn't," Myrtle giggled, gazing longingly at Remus's body. "It's the prefects' bathroom, a _co-ed_ bathroom. Besides, it gets lonely in my toilet."

"Well go entertain yourself somewhere else!" Remus screeched. He fled the shower, grabbed a towel and ran the entire way to the Gryffindor common room.

When he told his fellow Marauders of his terrifying experience, they did not feel his pain. They just laughed and laughed.

"Well, it may not have turned out like we thought it would, but it looks like Moony finally found himself a girl," James smirked.

"And an older one at that!" Sirius grinned. "I never knew Myrtle was such a cougar?"

"Do you two have a nice summer toilet picked out?" This was too much for James and he dissolved into fits of laughter, Sirius and Peter close behind him.

"Laugh it up guys, but I'm Sirius, it was disturbing." Remus shuddered.

"No I'm Sirius! And I would never have shower sex with Moaning Myrtle!" Sirius scowled, ignoring his friend's groans at the use of the dreaded pun. "Besides, I like my girls alive and buxom and Gryffindor, thank you very much."

"Whatever," James waved his friend off. "But next time you feel like giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful, maybe you should do it in a more convenient place….like the girl's bathroom?"

"James Potter!" A Scottish brogue exclaimed from behind Prongs. "I am appalled at your audacity! You and Mr. Black, in my office, now!"

"But, Minnie!" Sirius protested. "I didn't do anything this time!"

"Yet, Black, yet. I know you too well by now to trust you." McGonagall said, an evil glint in her eye. "On your way…"

**~~~BB~~~**

**There you go! I'm not sure if I'll be able to update this week, but it will def be the weekend at the latest.**

**A cookie to who can figure out who Annie's daughter is!**

**This didn't out the way I wanted but it's still okay I guess. I was determined to get it up tonight! Please review and tell me if you agree!**

**Next time ****I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.**

**~Becca**


	9. Snake a la Carte

**Chapter 9!**

**Agh, a week! I had like the first page written on Monday, but then life caught up to me and I never finished it…. Oh well, a week's not bad, five months on the other hand….**

**Just a quick warning…. I will mention Nessie Cullen in here, but only because I'm keeping my stories in the same universe. She will not play a big part, and Jake will only play a slightly bigger than average part… I don't own Twilight and this is the only time I will say that since this isn't a Twilight fic.**

**Thanks to Kaylaen, sammyfish, KristinHigg96, HeirofGryffindor16, peltra for adding this story to favorites/alerts!**

**Thanks to KristinHigg96 for adding me to favorite/alerts.**

**And shout outs to Kaylaen, Rue-the-Marauder, and ****LunaLestrange-AllyS**** for correctly guessing that Annie's daughter is Cho! She's whiny, prone to crying, and generally annoying, like mother like daughter! Plus, I mentioned that she was dating Freddie C**_**hang.**_

**Once there was a boy name Harry Potter. Someone wrote down his VERY REAL story and made cagillions! (Yes, it's a real word/number) That someone was not me…. **

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 9: I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.**

**~~~BB~~~**

It was the first day back to Hogwarts. James, Fred, and Cani had met Al's and Rose's new friends and could tell that they'd be a lot of fun. Especially Jake. It was always important to have an ally among the teachers, and having the caretaker on their side was perfect! Not even the great Minnie could stop them now! Mwahahahaha!

"What are those?" Jake asked, stopping when he saw the supposedly horseless carriages. James and Fred looked at him like he was crazy, but Cani just shook her head at the boys' idiocy.

"Honestly, when will you two ever learn? They're called thestrals. Only people who have seen someone die can see them." Jake nodded slowly, thinking about all the vampires he had killed and when he had watched Bella's life leave as he held her bloody body. Fred and James really wanted to ask who he had seen die, but Cani, sensing their intentions, slapped them both up the head so hard, hippogriffs started flying before their eyes.

They climbed into one of the carriages and discussed their best pranks. Jake told them one that involved glitter, talcum powder, and a Porsche crash. The Immortals told the story that involved dye, beads, and a whole lot of pot. It was a prank that they had done last year. Their first year. When they were ELEVEN! It was the prank that had made them famous….

But that's another story, anyhow, anyway….

The carriages reached the castle, and the new friends parted ways, Jake to the Staff table, and the Immortals to sit with their fellow Gryffindors. Many jealous females were gazing longily in Jake's direction, while others were glaring daggers at Cani for stealing their future man.

"Well, this is awkward," Cani said, suffering the glares of many.

"Haha, well you should be used to it by now," James grinned. "I mean, how many girls have hexed you because you were close to the two hottest guys in the school?"

"None," Cani said, a confused expression clouding her face. "I'm not very close with DJ Thomas or Bradley Boot."

"Hey!" Both boys protested, but their cries were cut short when Professor Bones entered with the ickle firsties looking terrified. That is, other than their friends/relatives: Al, Rose, Scorpius Malfoy, Jess Bertona **(O/C of mine, READ TMDK!)**, and Nessie Cullen. They were all walking proud, and with masks on. Cani couldn't help but wonder what they were trying to hide.

The first years started muttering to each other and glancing around, scared of what was about to happen.

"How great would it be if we charmed a troll to appear right now?" James whispered, fingering his wand, knowing what was going through the new students' minds.

"Well, we already have Bulstrode over there, ain't she scary enough?" Fred grinned.

Cani's reprimands were cut off when the hat began to sing.

_Many years I have sat_

_Sorting many into Houses Four_

_Hundreds of years in fact_

_And I plan on Sorting hundreds more._

_I look into your mind_

_And see all there is to tell._

_Whatever is hidden I will find_

_And put you where you need to go._

_You may be off to Gryffindor_

_Where lives the brave at heart_

_They take the hardships and ask for more_

_Laughing at the danger they pass_

_Or maybe Ravenclaw is for you._

_The place full of sharp minds_

_Always searching for something new _

_To challenge their brains and fill their time._

_Hufflepuff may be your new home,_

_Where the kind and loyal dwell_

_Forever will those trusty people roam_

_If they are needed to help a friend._

_One full of ambition and cunning_

_Will be placed in Slytherin._

_They will never stop going_

_Until what they want is in their grasp._

_So pull up a chair_

_Old friends and new_

_I may look a little worse for the wear_

_But those who complain are small and few._

_Put me on you won't regret it!_

_I never make a mistake_

_I'll give you your perfect fit_

_And soon your adventures will begin!_

The Great Hall burst into applause, and then settled down for everyone to be sorted. It went by rather fast. Jess, Nessie, Scorpius, and Al were all sorted into Gryffindor. When Rose was also announced Gryffindor, the table exploded. Soon only Fred and James were the only two still celebrating, and Bones, fed up with their idiocy, had hexed them so that they both had pink skin with purple polka dots. This made the entire room explode once more. The last boy, Harun Zabini, was so fed up with waiting that he just walked up to the hat, put it on his head, and then walked to the Slytherin table. McGonagall stood to address the students.

"Welcome back everyone! As most of you can see, we have a few new additions to our staff. Unfortunately, our caretaker, Mr. Filch, recently passed away this summer," McGonagall stopped to glare at the students, daring applause. When no one met her challenge (James and Fred's mouths were glued shut by Cani) the headmistress continued. "So we have a new caretaker, Mr. Jacob Black." Jake stood up to a thunderous applause from the female population of the castle angering Nessie. "Also, Professor Binns has decided that he has seen enough of this castle in life, and in death, and has decided to haunt his old home in the country." McGonagall stopped once again to see if anyone would clap, but James and Fred were still under Cani's spell. "So we have a new History of Magic teacher, Professor Theodore Lupin." Once again, the entire female population broke out into heavy applause, angering Victoire this time. "Remember that the Forbidden Forrest is off limits to students and there is a list of banned objects located in the caretaker's office. Now let's eat!"

The tables started groaning with the weight of the food. Everyone started shoveling the food onto their plates, and into their mouths, especially Fred and James. They went a little overboard, and if it hadn't been for Cani, they probably would have eaten their plates too. They were just digging into dessert when a loud voice came from across the room.

"What is this filth?" Harun Zabini screeched. "You call this a feast? This isn't good enough to feed to my owl! I'd rather eat snake then this crap!"

Silence rang throughout the Great Hall. The house elves had slaved over this meal, and here was this ungrateful little git, saying how terrible it was! It enraged almost everyone, even some Slytherins, but it enraged the Immortals the most. The three of them exchanged a look, nodded and stood.

"Well then, Mr. Zabini, please excuse us inferior beings for being incapable of satisfying your sophisticated palate," James bowed low.

"We are simply not used to having such a great person in our presence and were ill-equipped to fulfill your needs," Fred also bowed low, matching James. At this point, the entire Great Hall, minus the firsties who were so far innocent of the ways of the Immortals, was getting suspicious, worried, and excited at the same time.

"So now, please allow us to grant your wish," Cani said, quickly curtsying and then rising with her two friends. All three raised their wands and pointed them at the Slytherin table.

"Now, relax, and pull up a chair,"

"As the house elves proudly present,"

"Your dinner."

"FRIED SNAKE!"

The Slytherin food was quickly turned into live, batter covered snakes that hissed and spit oil at anyone who grew near to them. The Slytherins were screaming, the other Houses were laughing, and to top it all off, Minnie was screeching.

It was music to their ears.

**~~~BB~~~**

**Okay, this turned out crap, but I really really really hated this rule. I wasn't sure what to do with it. A lot of this chapter was taken from my other story, The Most Dangerous Kind, which you should totally check out if you're into Twilight as well as Harry Potter. I'm def gonna get that update relatively soon.**

**I decided I'm gonna through in a random line from a random play in each chapter, and a cookie made by Dobby in the House colors of your choice goes to the first person who figures out the line and where it's from. Yes, I am obsessed. I'm so obsessed, there's two lines in this chap, from two different plays. **

**Please review! I might update tomorrow if you do!**

**~Becca**


	10. Always Use NonSmearable Ink

**Chapter 10! Double Digits!**

**I'm warning you now, this is gonna be the most hellish week of my life, so I highly doubt anything else will be posted until Sunday if you're lucky. I may be able to post tomorrow, but if I don't, you're out of luck. I'm in a production of Hairspray that opens Thursday, which means this is tech week, or hell week if you're an athlete. It's also the last week for second marking period, which means the final marking period that counts for my senior year. If I don't get all A's, then I will lose my valedictorian spot, and I have a B in AP Chem right now, not good.**

**Anyways, last chapter I quoted Into the Woods, surprise, surpise, and Beauty and the Beast, both shows that I have done/am doing.**

**And thanks to WhatsYourProblemFewl for adding me to author favorites/alerts.**

**If I owned Harry Potter, I would've let a hell of a lot more people live. Let's check, nope Tonks, Remus, Sirius, Fred, all dead, therefore, no ownership.**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 10: ****If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.**

**~~~BB~~~**

"But, Minnie! Why can't we help fight?" The hazel eyed seventh year exclaimed. "We're of age! We're practically part of the Order! We want to help!"

"James, we've been over this a million times before," McGonagall sighed. She was looking at her four worst, and in ways best, students. James had received an owl from his mother saying that Mr. Potter had been hurt during a battle against Voldemort. This wasn't the first time, and it wasn't very serious, but it angered James, and by extension the Marauders. The first time that this happened, McGonagall had to stun James to make sure that he wouldn't get himself killed.

"But that was different! We're all seventeen now! You can't keep us from fighting!" Sirius said, cutting off whatever protests she might have made.

"We can, and we will," Dumbledore said as he walked into the room. The four boys started babbling incoherently at the sight of the headmaster. "You boys are not done your magical education yet. Next year, you can begin working for the Order, but only as support. You do not yet have the experience necessary to stand up to full Death Eaters. That is my final word." Dumbledore said when they opened their mouths to object. "Now, I think it might be in your best interests to go down to kitchen, get some snacks, and then return to Gryffindor tower. I daresay you know how to get there." He added with that damned twinkle in his eye.

"Yes, sir," The boys mumbled rebelliously and exited the room. After the door had shut, Dumbledore turned to McGonagall.

"We haven't heard the end of this subject from them. They've heard too much about the war. They know they can do damage and they're itching to incur it."

"Yes, but at what price?" McGonagall asked, nervous about the future of four of her favorite students, not that she'd ever say that out loud. "They do have talent, but it hasn't fully grown yet. They'll get themselves killed, and then what good can they do then?"

"I agree, Minerva. That's why I'd like for you to pay even closer attention to them than usual. I have a feeling that they're up to something."

"When are they not, Albus? When are they not…."

**~~~BB~~~**

"They have no right to turn us away!" James said as they entered the privacy of their own dorm. The Marauders settled on their beds with plenty of snacks that the elves had thrown into their arms, and then kicked the Marauders out when they saw what a violent mood the boys were in.

"Well, Prongs, they're kinda right," Remus said. "I mean, we have no experience. Don't get me wrong I want to fight as much as the next guy, but they're just looking out for us. They don't want us to get killed."

"I don't want me to get killed either," Peter murmured, ignored by his friends, as always.

"But we can still help!" Sirius said, standing. "We can help the injured, or run back-up, or do something instead of just sitting here doing nothing!"

"Sirius, we can't heal as effectively as older wizards, we'd probably get killed in battle, even as just back-up, and we aren't doing nothing, we're training," Remus said. Sirius sat back down. "You're no good to the world without an education, Sirius. Spend the rest of this year gaining the experience to fight next year."

"But how are we supposed to gain experience?" James asked. "There're no Deatheaters in Hogwarts!"

"Well, at least none that we can prove," Sirius muttered. James's face brightened at his words.

"Padfoot, you're a genius!" James exclaimed, jumping up and kissing Sirius on the cheek.

"I know I am, mate, but there's no need to get so clingy!" Sirius said pushing James away. "That is not the way to win a boy's affection. I thought I taught you better than that!"

"I'm sorry, Pads, I just got really excited!" James said, grinning wildly.

"It's a good thing you have Lily-flower, you don't need to know how to court anymore," Sirius faked sniffled and pulled James in for a hug. "Our little boy's all grown up."

"That's all well and good," Remus said, scowling in the direction of the now sobbing duo. "But why are you so excited, James?"

"Well," James smiled, pulling away from Sirius. "Padfoot said it, didn't he? There's no _proof_ that there's Deatheaters in Hogwarts, so we just find proof, and pretty soon they'll have no choice but to let us into the Order!"

"And if we can't find proof?" Peter asked, always the worried one.

"Well, then" James put on his most evil grin. "We'll just have to make it up, won't we?"

**~~~BB~~~**

They spent weeks trying to find the proof that Snape, or Regulus, or MacNair or any of the other Slytherins were Deatheaters, but nothing ever turned up. They staked out the Slytherin common room, raided their dormitories (it's rather easy to get in once you realize that the password always has something to do with the Slytherin pureblood mania, for example, Salazar), and even hexed them to try to trick them into revealing information, or for fun, it was unclear, but they did not learn a single , the perfect opportunity arose.

They were dozing off, I mean learning in History of Magic when Sirius noticed that Snape had fallen asleep. He nudged Moony, who poked Peter, who woke up James who grinned evilly.

"The time is here, let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer! Men, to your positions."

Five minutes later, the plan was ready to be set into motion.

"Minnie, Minnie, come quick!" Sirius exclaimed as her burst into McGonagall's office.

"What is it now, Black?" McGonagall asked, glaring as she looked up from the papers she was grading.

"We did it! We found a Deatheater!"

"What! In Hogwarts? Take me to him now, Black, and tell me what happened." She got up and Sirius started to lead her to Professor Binns's room.

"Well, you see we were just sitting in class, paying very close attention to Professor Binns, when we saw that Sniv- Snape had fallen asleep. His sleeve had gotten hooked on something and had ridden up and there was something black on his left arm. We, being the very brave Gryffindors that we are, inched closer to him, picked up the sleeve the rest of the way, and there it was, plain as day! The Dark Mark burned into his skin! Well, we knew then that Snape was a Deatheater and stunned him so that he couldn't get away. James, Remus, and Peter are watching him now, and they sent me to get you."

"Where was Professor Binns during all of this?"

"Binns? Why he's still teaching of course. Didn't notice a bloody thing that was happening." They had now reached the classroom. McGonagall threw open the doors and stormed up to where the three boys were holding the Slytherin captive.

"Well, what do you think, Minnie?" James asked, smiling and gesturing at the bound and unconscious Snape. "Pretty good right? Still say that we're not allowed to fight?"

"I must admit, Potter, I'm fairly impressed with how you four handled the situation," McGonagall said, crouching to examine Snape. "Maybe I can talk Dumbledore into…" She stopped when she picked up Snape's arm.

"Talk Dumbledore into what, Minnie?" Sirius asked, anxious.

"Talk him into getting you four non-smearable ink." McGonagall said, showing her black palm and the smudged design on Snape's arm.

The boys just smiled at her and ran. She'd fine them eventually, and in the meantime, they had a history lesson to escape (Binns was still teaching) and more plans on how to get initiated into the Order and stop Voldemort to form.

**~~~BB~~~**

**Well, what did you think? I really like this chapter, I love The Marauders, the only thing I hate is writing Peter, so I try to avoid it as much as possible.**

**Can anyone get the play line this time? It's from the biggest musicals of all time.**

**Review Review Review!**

**Next time ****House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.**

**~Becca**


	11. Operation UFE

**Chapter 11!**

**Sorry this took so long, but I did warn you! Hairspray went great, we had a packed house for all four performances and all of the money that was raised went towards funding African children to come to the states to have life saving surgery performed. Now, that's done, and high school no longer matters, so I should be able to devote more time to this. **

**Thanks to mabpanda, Jessica682, and miss bubblegum for adding this story to favorites/alerts!**

**Shout outs to ****ANessa Kedavra** **for getting that I quoted Do you hear the people sing from Les Miserables in the last chapter!**

**Now, I do not own Harry Potter, never have, never will, I'm pretty cool, but I'm not that cool.**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 11: House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Fred, what are you doing?" George asked his son with a smirk on his face.

"Why nothing, dear father of mine," Fred answered, quickly hiding his hands behind his back and turning to face his father with a look of pure innocence on his face. "Why would you ever think that I'd be up to something?"

"Because you wouldn't be my son otherwise."

"True, true," Fred smiled. "When are we leaving for Grandma Weasley's?"

"Whenever you're ready," George said, steering his son up the stairs from the shop to their flat above the store. "Your mother and Roxy are all ready, they got all of the Christmas presents packed and now we're just waiting for you. Are you done planning whatever it is you're working on?"

"Oh, I'm ready," Fred said. "The question is are you?"

That was a valid question. Christmas at the Weasley's was nothing less than chaos every year, and at worse it was hell. When you crammed 26 Weasleys/Potters/Lupins in one house it was bound to be trouble.

The night started off rather calm. There were only five broken bones, ten fireworks, and fifteen dungbombs set off in the first ten minutes, it was quite an improvement from last year.

"Okay everybody, time to settle down," Molly yelled after fixing Rose's arm. Dinner is served."

Everybody sat around the very long table that was groaning with the weight of all the food on it. The adults sat on one end, and the children on the other. The air was full of happy conversation. Like always, the talk soon turned to Quidditch, talking about the Gryffindor's team's chances this year.

The entire team was made of Weasley/Potters, with the exception of Scorpius, who might as well have been a member of their clan, which many disgruntled players had complained about, at least until they started winning every match. CJ McLaggen never stopped whining though, and he even tried to hex Rose so that he could play keeper. It was soon brought to the attention of McGonagall though, and he was quickly stopped.

Their first match was quickly coming up: Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. James was the Quidditch captain, and one of its best chasers. Lily and Scorpius were the other two. Fred and Roxy were the best beaters since Fred and George, Rose was Keeper and Al was seeker, and he was almost as good as his dad, but he still had a way to go before he could beat the famous Harry Potter.

"We've got to be focused this game." James said, as serious as his middle name. "Rose, I don't care how dreamy Scorp's hair looks when it blows in the wind, don't let him distract you…"

"Why would Malfoy distract you, Rosie?" Ron asked with his eyes narrowed. He had gotten used to his daughter being friends with the Malfoy creep, but no one had told him yet that they had started dating. They didn't want Scorpius to die before the Quidditch final! Louis was good, but he still needed a few years of training before he was up to the rest of the team's level.

"N-no reason, Daddy," Rose stuttered, plastering on her best, I'm-an-innocent-little-girl look.

"Slytherin's been flying some new formations that we've got to look out for," James continued. He would tell Uncle Ron eventually, but after he needed Scorpius's Quidditch skills. "Al, try to catch the snitch early, knock Zabini off his damn broom if you have to…"

"James!" Molly exclaimed.

"C'mon, Mum," Ginny laughed. "That's Quidditch. What do you expect from them? Besides we'll never let them live it down if they lost. We never lost to Slytherin."

"Oh please, we're so much better then you guys ever were!" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Humph, I'd like to see you try," Ron smirked. "Where do you think you lot got your talent from?"

"You know, Loki," Fred whispered to his partner in crime while the other occupants of the table were arguing over who was better. "I think this is the perfect opportunity to put Operation U.F.E. into action."

"I do believe you're right, Sus," James grinned. "And Cani isn't here either. You know how much she hated Operation U.F.E. She's just like Aunt Mione."

"That she is, Jamie my-boy. Now let's get this party rolling," Fred smiled, then said in a voice that everyone could hear. "I know how to fix this, Parents vs. kids. Let the best, and younger, better looking, team win."

"You're on," Their parents chorused. The two sides grinned at each other with identical evil grins.

Molly just shook her head.

**~~~BB~~~**

The teams turned out pretty equal. It was the Gryffindor Quidditch team of today (With Teddy playing Chaser for Scorpius, much to Louis's dismay) vs. the Gryffindor team of yesteryear. Harry was Seeker, Ron Keeper, Ginny, Angelina, and Charlie were Chasers, and Fred and Bill were the Beaters. A very pregnant Victoire was announcing.

"And they're off! Ginny takes the quaffle, avoids Lily, passes to Angelina, oohh, Damn Fred how could you do that to your own mother?"

"She had it coming! She only had herself to blame!" Fred exclaimed, following up with a one fingered salute when he saw Victoire's mocking face.

"You're lucky Grandmum didn't see that!"

"See what?"

"Nothing, Grandmum. Now James had the quaffle and is storming toward the old people's hoops, don't complain I'm saying nothing but the truth, passes to Teddy, c'mon sweetie and he shoots, and scores! 10-0 Kids!"

It continued like this for some time, each side taking turns scoring until eventually the score was 150-140 Kids. Suddenly, Fred hit a bludger wild.

"What the hell was that Fred? You're supposed to aim at the other team, not the gnomes! Whatever, looks like we'll have to play with just one bludger now." About ten minutes later, the score was 200-180 Old People, and Fred hit another rogue bludger.

"Merlin, Fred!" George said, pulling up next to his son. "What are we going to do now?"

"Don't worry oh father of mine," Fred smiled his most evil grin. "James and I came up with a backup plan just in case something like this ever happened."

"This better be good, son," George smiled, seeing his son's intentions, so similar to the brother he was named after. Sometimes George would look at James and Fred and couldn't help but think of all the good times that The Twins, and the Marauders, had had. George was the only pranking great from the past left, and it did his old maniacal heart good to see how their descendants were carrying on their traditions.

"Oh, it will be, Dad," Fred smiled.

Suddenly, the two raven haired Potters started racing towards the ground. Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch as Al snuck closer and closer to the snitch, he was just about to make it when….

WHAM! An unusually large bludger came flying in and whacked him off of his broom, allowing Harry to catch the snitch and clinch sweet victory for the old people.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Al asked rubbing his head and looking around. "It felt like I got hit in the head with a gnome."

"Well, you're not that far off, Al," George laughed. James and Fred just stared at him in horror.

"How could you do that, Uncle George," James exclaimed. "Operation U.F.E. was our prank!"

"We've been waiting for ages to pull it!" Fred finished. George just smiled at him.

"Boys, sometimes the best pranks are the ones stolen from others, never trust another prankster."

"Could someone please tell me what hit me?" Al asked.

"Sure, oh brother of mine," James smiled, and AL groaned. "You see this was all part of Operation U.F.E."

"Operation U.F.E?"

" Operation Unidentified Flying Elf!" They two boys waved their wands and a very dazed house elf zoomed towards them.

"What!"Hermione screeched.

Fred and James looked at each other, then at their angry aunt, and then flew away as fast as they could to escape Hermione's SPEWing anger.

**~~~BB~~~**

**Well, what did you think? I really liked how this turned out. I once again quoted a play in here, who can figure it out? **

**Next time ****Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.  
**

**Review Review Review!**

**~Becca**


	12. The Evil Toad Minions

**Chapter 12!**

**I had a snow day today, yay! So I spent all day working on my ridiculous amount of Chem homework, so that I could get this done and up tonight! Yay whatever killed global warming!**

**Ok, the first part is def from the books, specifically Ootp, but I couldn't find it, so I just went with what I remembered, sorry it's not exact.**

**Shout outs to Rue-the-Marauder for getting that I quoted Cell Block Tango from Chicago in the last chapter. However, no one died….yet.**

**Thanks to GrangerDanger112, OverTheRainbow84, Elvendork and the marauders, for adding this story to favorites/alerts.**

**I do own HP…in my dreams.**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 12: Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.**

**~~~BB~~~**

"No one wants the job, it is cursed after all," The one twin said, sitting on Harry's bed.

"I mean look at the past few years, one dead, one in St. Mungo's, one sacked, and one looked in a trunk for eight months after being impersonated by a death eater." Said the other twin.

"I see your point," Hermione said. Their conversation was soon cut off though by Mrs. Weasley calling them down.

"You know, Fred, it's a pretty safe bet that this year's DADA teacher isn't going to make it to next year."

"You never know, George, he might make it."

"Are you willing to put money on it?" George asked, his face plastered into a giant smile.

"Well, no I wouldn't, you'd have to be a complete idiot to bet against it," George's face instantly fell. "However, I do like the way you are thinking, and I believe there is a way we can make quite a nice pot in the process."

"Oh, Fred, do tell, I can't bear all this suspense." George and Fred's heads were spent bowed, talking to each other for the rest of the evening. This was, after all, their final year at Hogwarts, and they were going to go out with a bang. If they could gain some gold in the meantime, well how could they refuse?

**~~~BB~~~**

"Let us move forward then into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited." The new Defense teacher sat down to very sparse applause, and Dumbledore finished with the announcements. When everyone got up to leave for their various dorms, the one twin looked at the other as they started towards the Gryffindor common room.

"Well, George, what do you think?" Fred asked his brother, eyebrows raised.

"Well, brother-of-mine, I think this is going to be a very fun year."

"Really, she sounds like an oppressive bitch to me."

"Well, then, we'll just have to show her the light then won't we?" George asked, starting to climb the stairs. Maybe then she'll stand a better chance at surviving."

"That reminds me, since it's obvious that this Umbridge is a cunt, do you think that it's time for us to start our second job?" Fred asked, reaching the Fat Lady. "Mimbulus Mimbletonia."

"A second job boys?" Lee asked, overhearing them as they entered the common room and going with them up to their dormitory where no one could hear them. The Twins filled him in on their plan. "I do like the way this sounds. When do we start?"

It started out small, only concerning the Gryffindors, but eventually Ravenclaw, and then Hufflepuff were in on it. You could walk through the hallways and over hear students whispering to each other.

"What did you say? I said Drowning in the Great Lake by Christmas."

"No, see I said the Dementors would come back and take her soul, I mean, no one else wants to kiss her."

It continued like this for months, until two certain some ones decided to raise the stakes a little.

It was a normal spring day on the castle grounds. Dumbledore had left, and Umbridge ruled supreme. George and Fred were walking with Angelina, joking around, when Umbridge saw the two of them.

"Ms. Johnson," Umbridge said, stopping the group. "I'm surprised that a bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these slackers."

"Professor Umbridge," Fred asked. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Very well, what is it?"

"I was wondering, you do know what happened to the previous Defense teachers, correct?"

"Why yes, tragic, but nothing the Ministry could have prevented if they were allowed in Hogwarts." She smiled, and George and Angelina started coughing to cover their disbelieving scoffs.

"Well, then why would you take this job knowing that something would most likely come after you, especially with You-Know-Who back?"

"Lies! And no one would dare harm a Ministry official!" Umbridge puffed up a bit as if the very idea insulted her. "Now Mr. Weasley, where are you going with this?"

"Well, you see I was wondering if you were a betting woman," Fred smiled his most charming smile. "Care to wager on how you were going to lose your job at the end of this year?"

**~~~BB~~~**

"Boys, you're lucky that I was walking by at the time, or you'd be in pretty bad shape right now," McGonagall glared at the twins across from her.

"I still don't know why she sent me here too," George grumbled. "It's not like I did anything." McGonagall sent him her best disbelieving stare. "I wasn't! At least not then! It was Fred asking her! I told him you'd be more open to our offer then the giant toad!"

"I know I'm gonna regret this, but what offer?" McGonagall sighed. The two boys grinned evilly.

"Why only the best money-making aspect ever!"

"The entire castle's in on it!"

"Well, other than Slytherin and the teachers,"

"But we're hoping to fix that."

"The teacher part, we don't want anything to do with those snake bastards."

"Get to the point boys!" McGonagall exploded. After seven years, she was fed up with their twin thing.

"I'm sure you noticed your colleague's tendency to only stay at Hogwarts for one year."

"Well we were wondering how Umbridge's career would end, so we thought, maybe we aren't the only ones wondering…"

"So we started a little betting pool…"

"Gambling is against the rules!" McGonagall shouted. "Not to mention that it'stasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept!"

"Is it?" Fred asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Or is it just implied." George smiled, folding his hands, smug. "That's the funny thing about implied rules, you can't enforce them."

"Damn you, you're right," McGonagall muttered. "What exactly is the pool?"

"It's simple really, how and when will Umbridge leave Hogwarts?" George answered.

"My money is on the end of term when her toad minions will realize what a bitch she is, rebel, and kill her," Fred mock-whispered across her desk.

"So, Minnie, we both know you won't get us in trouble for this." George smiled, McGonagall grudgingly nodded. She wasn't going to give Umbridge more fuel to feed the fire.

"So, the real question is…." Fred leaned forward, grinning.

"Are you in?"

**~~~BB~~~**

"You have some visitors, Ma'am." The healer said, allowing two red heads in dragon hide robes into McGonagall's rooms. McGonagall looked up and scowled when she saw who her two visitors were.

"Isn't it bad enough that I had to deal with you two at school, but now you have to bother me at the hospital too?"

"Well, Minnie, and we're not in Hogwarts anymore so we _can_ call you that, we just thought you'd like your winnings." Fred smiled and put a rather large bag on her bedside table.

"What?" McGonagall asked, looking at the giant bag of gold her two favorite students had just given her.

"You were right; Umbridge was taken out by centaurs at the end of term. Congratulations!"

The two boys grinned, and their former teacher just shook her head, stern on the outside, but smiling on the inside.

**~~~BB~~~**

**Tada! I love torturing Umbridge!**

**Who can get the play reference?**

**Reviews make a happy author, and happy authors make more frequent updates!**

**Next time ****Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".**

**~Becca**


	13. Crack

**Lucky number 13!**

**Go me! Gotta love quick updates! **

**Last chapter I quoted the opening of La Vie Boheme from RENT. No one got it :( Check it out! One of my favorite musicals! We did that song at our variety show this year, and I got to be Maureen! I don't really like her, but it was fun!**

**Thanks to Naie Masen Cullen, and Toshiba Sanders for adding this story to favorites/alerts**

**I don't own Harry Potter. I do own several Harry Potter dolls though….**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 13: Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms."**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Hermione, we're hungry," the one red head pouted. They were at Number 12 Grimmauld Place all by themselves. Hermione had just arrived and the only residents of the house were the nefarious set of twins, even Sirius had to leave on some errands, in dog form, of course.

"Well, then get yourselves some food," Hermione said, petting Crookshanks and settling down in the living room to wait for someone sane to come to the house.

"But we can't" George exclaimed, sitting on one side of Hermione, while Fred took the other.

"And why not?" Hermione scowled. "I do hope you two are capable of making food without your mother! You're seventeen for Merlin's sake!"

"No, we can," Fred assured her.

"It's just that Mum has the kitchen spelled so that she knows if anyone is sneaking food."

"And we, being the perfect angels that we are, wouldn't dream of taking down the spells and abusing our mother's trust."

"She took your wands away, didn't she?" Hermione asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yep, they do it whenever they leave the house."

"You'd think they didn't trust us!"

"Hmmph, I wonder why," Hermione grumbled much to the twins' delight.

"So, do you think you could help us out?" Fred and George both asked. They laid the puppy dog eyes on her that no one, not even Mad-eye himself, could resist. Finally, she caved.

"Alright, I think I might have brought some cereal with me from home. I'll go get it," Hermione got up, mumbling the entire way up the stairs. The twins high fived and spent the rest of the time waiting for Hermione torturing, I mean playing, with Crookshanks.

"Here you go, I have two boxes left," Hermione said, tossing a small box of cereal to each twin. They caught them and stared at the cover, perplexed.

"Hermy, dear, do tell me, why is there a little man on the front of this box?" Fred asked, opening the cereal and eating it with such gusto, that even Ron would envy.

"Don't call me that," Hermione scowled, and the twins smirked, reminded of their dear Minnie. "And it's a leprechaun. It's a marketing campaign where Lucky the Leprechaun is running away from kids who are trying to take away his Lucky Charms."

"That's not a leprechaun," George scowled. "It's too cute."

"Well what do you expect from Muggles? They just care about money, at least the ones is big business do," Hermione said. Fortunately, Ginny and Mrs. Weasley arrived home, and she didn't have to deal with the two boys anymore. Unfortunately, the wheels had started turning in the boys' heads.

**~~~BB~~~**

"I don't want to share a dormitory with him anymore, he's a madman."

Fred and George could hear the arguing from the common room. It sounded like Seamus Finnegan didn't agree with Harry's beliefs about You-Know-Who. He was just one of many.

"I could never understand why some people just prefer to keep their head firmly stuck up their arse," Fred shook his head as he listened as his brother got involved now.

"They're idiots, but they're idiots who buy our products, so don't insult them too much," George said, settling in his seat.

"I won't, at least not in earshot I won't," Fred smirked. "That Seamus is a right git, isn't he?"

"You know what, Fred," George smiled. "That's not all he is."

"Oh?" Fred asked. "Do continue, dear brother."

"Do you remember a certain Lucky fellow we met this summer?" George asked. Fred's eyes widened in understanding. "Well, what do you think? Have we found our victim?"

"Let's see Irish, short, red-headed, I think we have ourselves a winner." George smiled back at his brother. "It'll be good to teach him a lesson after what he said to Harry."

"All we need now is to talk to Hermione," Fred said. "I want to get some more of that cereal. It was really good!"

Fred got his cereal relatively quickly. It was a few weeks later when the package arrived and the plan was put into action.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Seamus, you have to try this new cereal! It's the best!" Fred said, handing Seamus a bowl of Lucky Charms on morning during breakfast. "Wait, you have to put the special sugar on it first, or it doesn't taste the same."

Seamus took the bowl, suspiciously, but after one taste, he started shoveling the food into his mouth. The Twins looked at each other and smiled.

This continued for a week, Seamus practically assaulting the Twins each morning for his daily fix. They happily complied, until one day everything went wrong.

"I'm sorry, dear Seamus," George sighed, when the Irishman asked for his daily bowl. "I'm afraid we're out. We only have two bowls left, and, naturally, those are for ourselves. I'm afraid you're out of luck."

"No, I must have it!" Seamus screeched, surprising the entire Great Hall. "Give me those Lucky Charms!"

Suddenly, Fred and George popped up on the Gryffindor table, shedding their robes. The both were wearing green suits with matching top hat, complete with shamrock and little black shoes with the buckles on them. They were the epitome of a muggle leprechaun.

"He's after me Lucky Charms!" They both screamed, and started running through the room, Seamus close on their heels.

"Give. Me. The. Cereal!" Seamus roared. He was flipping plates, crashing into firsties, and practically molesting several girls. Suddenly, the Twins were floating in the air, far above where Seamus could reach them, thanks to a certain Lee Jordon and his fabulous hovering charm.

"You know what, George," Fred said, looking at the foaming Seamus beneath them. "Maybe we should give him the Lucky Charms."

"Now, Fred," George said, hands on his hips. "You can't get lazy when things get crazy!"

"No, but you can get down before I give you both double detention for the rest of the year," a very cool sounding McGonagall said from behind them. The turned and gulped when they saw her, but they refrained from running

"But, Minnie, he's after me Lucky Charms!" Fred gasped. "We must not give in!"

"Yes, you must," McGonagall scowled, and then added in an afterthought. "Although why would he be after them? What's so special about cereal?"

"Oh, it's not the cereal itself," George said, overhearing her. "It's the special ingredient!"

"Which would be….?"

"Crack!"

The boys took one look at their teacher's face and decided that now would be a good time to run, angry, drug-crazed leprechauns be damned.

**~~~BB~~~**

**Well, what do you think? I got the crack idea from my friend. She sells at least 20 boxes of girl scout cookies a day at our high school, and we all swear that they're full of crack because we go through at least two boxes a day at Drama practice!**

**Who can get the play quote?**

**Please review! I know people are reading! Tell me what you think!**

**Next Time ****I will not shave Mrs. Norris.**

**~Becca**


	14. When the Mice come out to play

**Well hello there fanfiction! It's been a while hasn't it? Not really, I've done worse *looks nervously at TMDK files* I'm getting there! I've been super busy with school, what with finishing up my last semester the counts for high school EVER and finding out my official class rank for the end of the year which is… drum roll please…. FIRST! I am this year's valedictorian for my school! Which is why I've been neglecting this story, getting that title was a little more important, sorry. Now on with the story!**

**I quoted Hairspray last chapter…no one got it though, but I'll admit it was pretty obscure.**

**Thanks to Egas Bladesoul and Igni Ferroque, for adding this story to favs/alerts!**

**I do not nor will I ever own Harry Potter, but maybe I'll own the Marauders? Nope, that's a lie…. Way to kill my hopes and dreams….**

**~~~BB~~~**

**Rule 14: I will not shave Mrs. Norris**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Why so serious Moony?" James asked sitting down to breakfast at the Great Hall, his fellow fifth years joining him.

"Gee, I don't know," Remus replied, full of sarcasm. "Could it just be that this is my favorite time of the month?"

"Remus I know you're PFMS-ing, but there's no need to be rude," Sirius scolded, ignoring Remus's glare and digging into his eggs. "Besides, tonight's going to be better, I promise."

"Oh, no," Remus paled. "You three didn't do something stupid did you? Wait, why am I asking that, of course you did! But I'm not letting you come out there with me it's too dangerous! We've been through this a million times before!"

"Yea, we have," James rolled his eyes and cut of his friend before he picked up too much speed. "It's too dangerous for _humans_. But there aren't going to be any humans in the woods, now are there?" James and Sirius exchanged excited grins and Peter and Remus nervous ones.

"Right, no humans…."Remus's eyes grew wide and he started choking on his cereal. Sirius quickly patted him on the back before he died. "You didn't!" Remus hissed.

"I think it'd be best if we talked about this somewhere else…." James said looking around the Great Hall and seeing eyes being drawn to them. "This isn't something we want known."

"Oh c'mon," Sirius grinned as the exited the room. "How bad could Azkaban be? And I'd love to see Minnie's face when she realized that we…"

"That you'd what, Mr. Black?" A stern voice came from behind the shaggy haired boy. The four friends froze and turned around to see a very suspicious looking Transfiguration teacher. "What school rule have you broken this time? Wearing Death Eater robes to class? Insulting Hippogriffs? Teaching Peeves that new game….What is it….? Oh yes, Paintballing?"

"No, but thanks for the ideas, Professor," Sirius grinned at McGonagall's dumb struck face.

"We haven't broken any rules since the last time you saw us, Professor," Remus cut in before Sirius got them into trouble for something that they didn't even do….yet. "We just finished breakfast early and now we're on our way back to the common room."

"Very well," McGonagall said, skeptical. "But I've got my eyes on you…" She turned and re-entered the Great Hall. The Marauders ran from there as fast as they could to the first open classroom they could find and quickly closed and locked the door.

"Phew, That was a close one," Sirius sighed, collapsing in a nearby chair."I thought we were goners for sure that time."

"Well maybe if you could keep your big mouth closed you wouldn't be caught so much," Remus practically snarled. He always got a bit testy when it was his time of the month. "Now please tell me you three didn't do what I think you did."

The three other boys grinned back at the werewolf. James stepped forward and did a little bow.

"It is my pleasure to present the Mssrs. Padfoot," At this point Sirius changed into a giant black dog. "Wormtail," Peter turned into a rat. "And Prongs." With one final flourish, James turned into a gigantic stag and turned to face Moony.

"I think you're lucky you three weren't caught, killed, or worse," Remus said. His face was very pale and he had to sit down as his knees were about to give out any second. The three turned back to their human forms. "What were you thinking? That was very dangerous, illegal magic! And for what? To run around the woods with a werewolf for one night a month? Sorry mates, but I'm not worth it. Sirius, you could go to Azkaban! James, you could've been killed. And Peter, you could've been stuck as a rat for 12 years!"

"No, Remus I'm sorry," James said, his face completely serious for once. "I'm sorry that you don't realize that it was worth it, that you're worth it. You're a great friend, and we don't care if you're a werewolf, a wizard, or a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania."

"What?" Remus, Sirius, and Peter exclaimed.

"Lily made me watch this awesome movie, but that's not the point. The point is: We're coming tonight and that's final. We've been working on this ever since we found out your secret the beginning of second year. We finally got it right and we're gonna help you whatever way that we can. Now you can either accept the help or have it forced upon you, but you're getting it either way." They had a staring contest, and after about ten minutes, Remus cracked.

"Fine! Fine! Do what you want! I'm not your mums! What are you going to do about Filch though? You know he runs extra tight security during Full Moons to make sure no accidents happen." Remus looked smug, knowing he had them.

"Oh, we've already taken care of that," Sirius lazily put in. "Filch has a hot date with Madam Pince tonight, gag, and he's leaving the watch to Mrs. Norris. And I called in a favor with Peeves, I love that poltergeist!, and he's got a little surprise waiting for the kitty…."

Remus gulped when he saw the devious grins on his friends' faces. This was going to be one hell of a night.

**~~~BB~~~**

"You look so lovely tonight my dear," Filch whispered into the ear of Irma Pince as he pulled out her chair. He was looking splendid tonight in her mauve dress complete with large pink flowers all over the long skirt. Filch was wearing his very best hideous brown mold covered suit. It was repulsing, but not as repulsing as the giggle that the librarian emitted.

"Why, Argus, this is so romantic…" She batted her eyes at him. They soon were well on their way to an evening full of so-so food, luke-warm conversation, and terrible sex. That is for normal people. For them it was a five star dinner, animated banter, and sex out of their wildest fantasies. Hey, desperate people deserve each other, right?

The next morning, Filch was getting out of bed to get his morning tea when he found something attached to his door. His scream of horror soon awoke the entire castle and soon three boys were in the very familiar office of a very familiar teacher.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Never, in all my years have I seen such a display of animal cruelty," McGonagall exclaimed from behind her desk to the three asleep on their feet boys. "Why would you ever think of doing such a thing to a living creature?"

"Well, Mrs. Norris doesn't exactly count now does she?" James asked. "I mean, she's definitely not a normal cat and…"

"Besides," Sirius butted in, his sleep deprivation making him the clear headed one for once. "We were asleep in our dorm all night. We know better than to roam around the grounds on the night of the full moon. He's one of our best friends after all. Now if you don't mind, we'd like to visit him and make sure he's ok."

"Yes, very well," McGonagall reluctantly admitted.

"Out of curiosity, Professor," Peter asked. "Wait did happen to Mrs. Norris?"

"Well, Mr. Filch found her duck taped to his door, shaved completely bald, with a note saying that the mice could play now that the cat's away. No idea what it means, but I doubt Mrs. Norris will be up for patrol for a very long time."

"What a shame," James smiled. His mind was whirling away with ideas for all of the pranks and full moon escapades they could pull off with their new found transforming abilities and the absence of a certain feline. The mice were going to play indeed.

**~~~BB~~~**

**What do you think? Sorry, again for the late update, I've been super busy. I might be able to update tomorrow though!**

**Who can guess the musical? It's a really obvious one!**

**Next time** **I will not tye-dye all of the owls.**

**~Becca **


	15. Hallucinogens

**Hey there! Two updates in a row! And this one's really long! I know I won't do this tomorrow though, sorry.**

**Shout outs to KristinHigg96 and Jessica682 for getting the Rocky Horror Picture Show quote. I love that movie so much, and Sweet Transvestite is one of my favorite songs from it.**

**Thanks to eikwer and ThePen23 for adding this story to favorites/alerts**

**Becca: Can I own Harry Potter?**

**Sirius: No**

**Becca: Pretty please?**

**Sirius: Do you want me to sick an angry Trixie on you?**

**Becca: Fine, grumble grumble, But wait for it, I'll get you back for this!**

**~~~BB~~**

**Rule 15: ****I will not tye-dye all of the owls.**

**~~~BB~~~**

"Alright James, now send us an owl as soon as you find out what house you're in, and remember…"

"It doesn't matter what house I'm in, you're proud of me no matter what happens." James drawled cutting of his mother. "Ok, Mum, I will. Now I gotta go! I promised Fred I'd meet him on the train!"

"He's right, Ginny," Harry Potter said to his wife before turning to his oldest son. "Now, James, I don't expect you to behave, but at least try to go a week before having any owls sent home. Also, don't torture poor Minnie more than necessary."

"Minnie, I like it," James said, deliberately ignoring the rest of his father's speech. "Bye then! See you guys at Christmas!" James ran before he could be yelled at even more. He climbed up onto the Hogwarts Express and quickly found his best friend, cousin, and partner in crime.

"Hey, Fred," James smiled. "Find a good compartment?"

"Of course I did!" Fred said, leading his cousin down the hallway, ignoring the stares they were getting from the other occupants of the train. "What do you take me for? Dad set me up in the best compartment in the entire train." The quickly entered the compartment to find that it was already occupied by a figure with his face hidden in a book.

"Oi! This here's our compartment!" Fred shouted at the person while James calmly out his luggage in the overhead compartment. "Get lost, mate."

The book lowered to reveal a pretty eleven year old girl with mocha skin and her long hair pulled back in a multitude of braids. She looked at the two boys with one eyebrow raised. They looked almost like twins. They were the same height with brilliant red hair and brown eyes. There were some subtle differences in their faces, but the only major difference between the two was the one was white and the other black.

"There's plenty of room," She said, ignoring the dumb-struck looks on their faces. "Why should I?"

"Because, because it's a family tradition!" Fred said, stomping his foot.

"It is?" James asked, turning to his darker counter-part. "Why haven't I heard about it?"

"Because your Dad wouldn't know about it, would he? It's a prankster thing," Fred explained. "Look, right there, under the window. Do you see that? That's proof that you shouldn't be here!"

He pointed to some carving underneath the window. There were two sections of writing. The first said _Think you can do better? Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail, and Prongs. _The second said, _We did, who's next? Gred and Forge_.

"Who are those people?" the girl asked, reading the graffiti along with James.

"Who are they?" James asked, flabbergasted. "Only the greatest pranksters in the history of ever!"

"Well, they were the greatest." Fred said, smug. "They're soon to be surpassed, of course."

"Oh," The girl asked, finally figuring out who these two were from her dad's story. "And who would that be?"

"US!" The two boys smiled. "James Potter and Fred Weasley at your service!"

"Well, I'm Canidae Jordon," The girl said, putting her book away completely. "And you're going to need me to be a member of the pranking elite."

"And why's that?" James asked, skeptical.

"Because I have something that both the Marauders and the Twins had," Cani smiled when she saw their surprise. "Yes, I know their names. Our dads were friends at school and my dad told me all about them."

"Okay, then what don't we have?" Fred asked.

"Brains," Cani answered. "Oh, I'm sure you're plenty smart, but who are you going to turn to when you need an alibi, or help with homework?"

"Alright," James said reluctantly. "How about this. If we're all in the same House together…then we'll talk."

"Deal," Cani smiled. The trolley then stopped outside their door and their conversation soon turned to food and Quidditch.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Jordon, Canidae!"

Cani walked up to the stool and put the hat on. She sat there while the hat rifled through her mind.

_Hmmmm, very interesting. A long line of Gryffindors I see, but a very sharp mind, and loyal to boot. You'd be bored in Hufflepuff though and Ravenclaw….Why, you'd scare them to death! They're a little too tame for you too, aren't they? Very well then…._**Gryffindor!**

The red and gold table started cheering and Cani smiled and moved to her new seat. She glanced over at James and Fred and stuck out her tongue.

"I like her," James whispered. Fred just smiled.

"Potter, James!"

The Great Hall hushed as the son of the savior of the wizarding world walked to the front of the room. James turned to face the crowd, bowed to them while wearing a cheeky little grin, and then sat with the hat on his head to the laughter of Hogwarts.

_Quite the showman, aren't we Mr. Potter? Yes, you're just like your grandfather. Determined to show the world how great you are. You however for a different reason. You are not your father, and you want to prove it. Well, I have no doubt that you will. And you most certainly are not your father. I have no problem placing you. _**Gryffindor!**

The lions cheered once more and James went to sit across from Cani. While the comment about his father troubled him a bit, he didn't let it show and instead gave two thumbs up to Fred.

"Weasley, Fred!"

The room quieted once more. The Weasleys were almost as famous as the Potters, especially since Fred's father was the owner of the biggest store in the Wizarding World (They had recently gone global).

_I've lost track of all the Weasleys. Now off to-_

_Wait! Aren't you gonna go through my mind and talk to me?_

_There's no need, I see your heart and I know that you belong in _**Gryffindor!**

The table exploded once more and Fred sat next to James. Once they settled down McGonagall rose and addressed the room.

"Hello everyone! Welcome back! As you can see, we have a new addition to our staff this year, Professor Dean Winchester will be our new Defense Against the Magic Teacher." A very sexy man in black leather robes waved to the students. "Now just a reminder that the Forbidden Forest is Forbidden to students. Also, after the _incident_ last year we feel that it is necessary to remind the students that it is _illegal_ buy both muggle and wizarding law to import carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman, German Wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein, Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa, Carmina Burana. Now dig in!"

"Well, what do you think?" Cani asked the boys as they started loading up their plates.

"Think about what?" Fred asked around his mouthful of food.

"Which rule are we gonna break first?" Cani asked, eyes wide. "McGonagall just gave us like twelve. Personally I like the Forbidden Forest idea myself."

"NO!" Fred exclaimed.

"Fred, it's okay," James laughed. "I know you are fearful of the woods at night." The three started laughing. "Anyways, I have a better idea. What do you think of when you hear the words hallucinogens?"

"Umm, drugs?" Fred asked.

"The sixties," Cani smiled.

"Exactly," James said leaning back in his chair.

**~~~BB~~~**

Harry came down to breakfast and starting making his morning tea when James's owl Puck flew in, dropping two letters on the table. For some reason, Puck was brightly colored. Harry sighed and reached for the first of the two letters.

_Dear Harry._

_It is my regret to inform you that it is as we feared. James is indeed following in his grandfather's footsteps as are Mr. Fred Weasley and Ms. Canidae Jordon following in their father's. I thought you'd want to be informed that the morning post came this morning with each and every owl tye-dyed various bright colors and had several strands of beads around its neck. Each one had a small package attached to its leg in addition to whatever mail it was carrying. Upon further inspection the package was found to contain the illegal substance known as marijuana. _

_The packets had inscribed on them, 'Enjoy, courtesy of JFC.' I immediately confronted them, and although they denied it initially, Mr. Weasley informed me that they admit just this once so that 'Dear Old Minnie' would know what she was up against. They each have triple detention. Expect further owls to come._

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

Harry sighed and opened the other letter.

_Hey Dad!_

_Guess what! I'm in Gryffindor! And so are Fred and our new Friend Cani Jordon. She says you know her dad, Lee. Anyways, I know you said don't get in trouble for a week, but we had to! We had to show that we're worthy of being the Hogwarts' Prankster for the next seven years! It's a very prestigious title and we wanted dibs! I'm sure Minnie has also sent you a letter detailing our wondrous prank, but I'm gonna tell you about it anyway._

_The three of us snuck up to the owlery last night and used this tye dye charm that Cani knew on all of the owls. We then managed to stick beads and packets of fake pot on all of them. Yes, the pot's fake. We're not about to waste all that good stuff! I'm joking Dad, I don't do drugs. You should have seen Minnie's face when the owls flew in this morning! Priceless! It was totally worth detention!_

_I'll write more later!_

_James_

Harry just shook his head and smiled. He wasn't angry at his son, in fast he was quite proud and a little jealous. He wished he could've done stuff like that in school. He wished his son the best of luck, not only in his pranks, but also in facing his mother when she found out about this!

**~~~BB~~~**

**Well, what do you think? I really like this chapter!**

**I've got two play references in here, both have been quoted by me before.**

**Please review!**

**Next up is one that I've been waiting for for a while! ****I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall Or anywhere else for that matter.**

**~Becca **


	16. Potter Puppet Pals

**Hi! Sorry this is a little late, but this weekend was my last High School play EVER. It was fun and depressing all at once. But it was fun. I love Into the Woods, I highly recommend being involved in it if you're into shows. Also this chapter is DOUBLE the usual length :) I've been waiting for this one since I started this story!**

**Last chapter I quoted RENT and Into the Woods…It's been on my mind a lot lately :)**

**I don't own Harry Potter, or Potter Puppet Pals, but I do have a Bothering Snape shirt…or I did…I wonder where that went…**

**~~~BB~~~**

**16. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall**

17. Or anywhere else for that matter.

**18. I will not use invisibility charms on anyone's clothing**

**~~~BB~~~**

"So then we use this spell and BAM! Everyone's yellow and covered in feathers." James smiled at his two best friends from the edge of the bed. It was the last week of summer and the three friends were figuring out what their opening prank was going to be for their fourth year. It had to be good because Fred's and James's little sisters were coming to Hogwarts this year and so was their cousin, Hugo.

"That's all?" George asked, leaning in the doorway to his son's room listening to his protégées' plans. "I expected more from you lot." He shook his head in disappointment.

"Well, then what do you suggest, Uncle George?" Cani asked. She technically wasn't related, but the three Immortals were so close, she had been calling him Uncle George for years.

"Yea, Dad," Fred said, excited, but trying to hide it. "Tell us one of your favorite pranks!"

"Well," George said, drifting off to that long ago time when his better half was still around. "It was the end of term feast of our fourth year and this was right after the Basilisk incident so everyone was in a really good mood, and we thought we'd make it a little more interesting….

**~~~BB~~~**

"Everyone! May I have your attention please!" Fred announced from the front of the teacher's table. He and his twin had erected a giant curtain behind them and had evacuated all of the teachers from the other side. They were looking nervous while the students soon quieted down, excited.

"We would like to present to you a play that's very close to our hearts."

"Now, I'm not a theatre person,"

"And I'll never be a theatre person,"

"But we think you'll enjoy this anyway."

"We now present to you, for your magical enjoyment,"

"A classic rendition of The Potter Puppet Pals'"

"The Mysterious Ticking Noise!"

The Great Hall burst into applause, the twins went behind the screen and the curtain parted revealing an empty stage. Suddenly a ticking noise was heard.

_Tick Tick Tick Tick_

"Hmmm," Snape walked on. "What is that mysterious ticking noise?" _Tick Tick Tick_ "Not over here, Not over there…" Snape checked the sides of the stage. _Tick Tick Tick. _"Hmmm. Kinda catchy." Snape started swaying to the beat and checked to make sure that the coast was clear.

"Snape. _Tick _Snape _Tick _Severus Snape _Tick. _Snape _Tick _Snape _Tick _Severus Snape."

"Dumbledore!" Dumbledore popped up and then back down behind the stage.

"Snape. _Tick _Snape _Tick _Severus Snape _Tick. _Snape _Tick _Snape _Tick _Severus Snape."

"Dumbledore!"

"Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley.""Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley." Ron had now appeared on stage and was chanting between Snape's words.

"Dumbledore!" Dumbledore popped up again and then disappeared.

"Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley.""Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley."

"Dumbledore!"

"Hermione" _Tick Tick Tick _"Hermione"_ Tick Tick Tick _"Hermione"_ Tick _"Hermione"_ Tick _"Hermione" Hermione was on stage now on the other side of Snape singing her bit while Snape and Ron continued with theirs.

"Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley.""Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley."

"Dumbledore!"

"Harry Potter Harry Potter! Uhh! Harry Potter Harry Potter! Yea! Harry Potter Harry Potter! Eh! Harry Potter Harry Potter! That's me!" Harry had jumped on stage between Snape and Hermione and did this weird spazzing dance while singing with the rest. He then faced Snape and they fought like children…

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"SNAPE!"

"HARRY!"

"DUMBLEDORE!" Dumbledore popped up completely naked except for his glasses and hat. This was met with many screams and laughs, but the loudest screech of all came from dear Minnie. She ran to the stage to put an end to what had originally been good fun, but was stopped by a repelling charm that kept people from reaching, or stopping, the show.

"Hermione!" Hermione glided behind the skyclad headmaster breaking the awkward not-so-silence. The show continued

"Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley.""Snape." "Ron" "Snape" "Ron" "Severus" "Ron" "Snape" "Weasley."

"Hermione" _Tick Tick Tick _"Hermione"_ Tick Tick Tick _"Hermione"_ Tick _"Hermione"_ Tick _"Hermione"

"Harry Potter, I'm Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Harry Potter, I'm Harry Potter!"

"Dumbeldore!"

"Singing our song, All day long at HOG-WARTS!" Our favorite thespians all sang in various out of tune keys.

All of a sudden, Ron disappeared offstage and reappeared with these strange red cylinders tied together in his hand that was emitting the mysterious ticking noise.

"I found the source of the ticking!" The red head exclaimed. "It's a pipe-bomb!"

"Yay!" Harry and Hermione cheered while Snape and the nude Dumbledore exchanged oh shit looks.

And then Bang! Crash! And the lightning flashed! And soon the sky was raining bits of blown up puppet.

At this point, our favorite pair of twins came on stage in menacing black robes, red contact lenses, and bald caps.

"Mwahahaha!" They laughed evilly in their best Voldy impersion. They started tapping their wands on the edge of the stage. _Tick Tick Tick Tick…_

"Voldy-mort Voldy-mort, ohh Voldy-Voldy-Voldy-Mort… VOLDYMORT!"

"Bu-bump bump bump bump bump!" Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, and Snape popped back on stage and sang. All of the actors took their bows to the thunderous applause in the Great Hall and Fred and George gladly walked off stage to Minnie to receive their well earned detentions.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Wow, Dad!" Fred said at the edge of the story. "How did you manage to pull that off?"

"Well, Harry, Ron, Hermione, after a little convincing, and Dumbledore were glad to do it-"

"Dumbledore was glad to dance around naked in front of the entire school?" Cani asked, suspicious.

"Err, no," George admitted sheepishly. "We kind of placed an invisibility spell on his robes, which is why there's now a rule in the Hogwarts Rule Book that Fred and I were never allowed to use invisibility charms on anyone's clothing.

"What about Snape?" James asked. He had heard plenty of stories about the old potions teacher, and the majority were the not so nice ones told by his Uncle Ron.

"Well, Dumbledore was kind enough to offer him a bonus if he did it for us," George smiled. "He was also allowed to give us a week's worth of detention in advance."

"Wow, that's great!" Fred said, the wheels turning in his head. "Now I have a few more questions for you…Where did you get this marvelous idea? Are there more where that came from? And will you tell us all about it?"

"Why my son!" George said, sounding insulted. "I'm ashamed that you even had to ask!" Then he grinned along with his disciples. "You see, there's this muggle invention called YouTube…"

**~~~BB~~~**

It was September first again. The good-byes were said, the train had left, and now the population of Hogwarts was standing on the steps of the castle. The doors were locked and no one could get in, not even Minnie herself could break the charm thanks to a certain retired prankster. It wasn't until the first years arrived that the wizards were given any idea about what was going on.

A giant red curtain sprung into the air, surrounding the area in front of the doors, and a spotlight lit up the figure that stepped in front of the screen.

"Good evening wizards and witches of all ages!" Fred announced to the now quiet crowd. "It is my pleasure to inform you that my fellow Immortals and I have planned a special performance to welcome back everyone to the beginning of the school year." Fred smiled and waited for the laughter to die down.

"Now please relax – and Minnie I do mean relax the stage is charmed, you won't be able to get near it until we're done – And enjoy The Immortal's rendition of the classic Potter Puppet Pals' The Vortex."

There was applause, and Fred stepped back to allow the curtain to open on a frowning Scorpius Malfoy in a greasy black wig.

"In slow motion the flowers fell from my hand and shattered like glass, and when I looked into the mirror I was a beautiful milk maid," Scorpius said, completely serious and ignoring the howls of laughter coming from the students. "Then I woke up crying…And I don't know why."

"Well," Albus Potter said coming onstage in a ridiculous purple robe and hat with a long white beard attached to his face. "I once had a dream that I was a baby pig living on a farm. Oink Oink Oink." He said all his lines in a squeaky high voice.

"No, you don't understand," Scorp told him. "It was a life changing vision! I might never be the same a-Ah!"

"Professor Dumbledore!" James ran onstage looking like himself except for the badly drawn scar on his forehead in what looked like red lipstick. He pushed Scorp out of the way and onto the ground to get in front of Al. "We need your help! Magical emergency!"

"Oh boy! Let's go!" Al said and they both ran over to the other side of the stage where Cani stood with a bushy brown wig on looking up into a shining, swirling vortex.

"Professor, Ron's trapped in an alternate dimension," She said quite calmly.

"Oh, no," Al said. "Not again."

"Oh it's the most terrible thing!" Came a voice that sounded suspiciously like Fred's with a helium charm cast upon it from the swirling vortex. "It tickles in all the wrong ways!"

"You know this wouldn't happen if you weren't so fat!" James called up to Fred. He turned back to Al. "What should we do, Professor?"

"Hmm," Al thought. "Fetch me the problem stick." James ran offstage.

"I think I'm going through puberty!" Fred called, sounding very excited.

"Don't go into the light, Ron!" Cani called. James reappeared with this monstrosity of a stick that was really a small tree complete with branches.

"Here it is!" James said, handing the problem stick off to Al.

"Oh yes, my old friend!" Al exclaimed. He took the stick and started to poke at the vortex. "Let's see if I still remember how to do this…A poke…And then.."

"Ohhh" A grunt was heard. The swirling vortex disappeared and a body fell from the sky landing on the ground with a hard thud.

"You okay, Ron?" James asked, sounding quite concerned.

"Cough, Cough. You kidding me?" Jacob Black asked standing up to quite a few screams from the female population. Cani had charmed his hair Weasley red and he was wearing dark shades and a tight black motorcycle jacket that was open to reveal the dark skin underneath. "Harry, I've never felt better! I'm a man now! S'up, Hermione" The six foot something god nodded to Cani.

"Oh, Oh, Ron," Cani stuttered and blushed, moving closer to Jake.

"It's Ronaldo now," The wolf practically purred. He turned to Al. "What's up Dumbledore?"

"Wow, You're much cooler then Harry!" Al said, ignoring the wide eyed James standing between them. The crowd started laughing and someone, (Lily) yelled "It's true!"

"What?" James asked, stunned.

"Let's have a beach party," Jake said in his sexiest voice. "In London." The beach music started playing and Al, Jake, and Cani started dancing epically.

James just stood there, his eye twitching until he couldn't take it anymore.

"No. No!" James said. "Pituitarious shrink-dinkyius." He aimed his wand at Jake and all the lights on the stage started flashing. When they came back, sexy god-like Jake was gone and plain normal Fred was in his place. He stood up and moaned a little.

"I rule the school you hear? I'm top dog!" James shouted into Fred's face as he was still lying on the ground. "No one can have more testosterone then me, 'cuz I'm Harry Potter, I'm the Boy-who-lived. I'm Harry Potter! Okay?"

"I'm so sorry, Harry," Fred whimpered, cowering in fear from James' wrath.

"Well good." James turned out to face the audience. "Now let's have a dance party. In London." He started dancing to the well timed music and Al, Fred, and Cani reluctantly joined in. They then started the musical part of the show.

"My name is Harry Potter, I'm the king of the school," James sang swaying back and forth with his groupies around him. "I'm better then everyone in the school. I'm hip and I'm awesome all the girls know my name." He paused and winked at the audience and all the girls screamed like eleven year old fan girls at a Justin Bieber concert. "Har-har-harry Potter, that is my name. Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Do the shoobie-do-ops."

"Shoobie-do-op, shoobie-do-op," Al, Fred, and Cani sang.

"Yea, I defeated Voldemort when I was a baby. I was even awesome when I was a baby," James smiled and started moving around the stage and grabbing fans' hands. "Both my parents died, when I was a baby. I grew up abused, without any love." The crowd sobered abit at this reminder of their hero's horrific childhood. "Harry Potter. "

"Shoobie-do-op."

"Harry Potter."

"Shoobie-do-op."

"Harry Potter."

"Shoobie-do-op, shoobie-do-op."

"That's me!" James jumped high into the air and landed in a split. The entire crowd gasped and started applauding while James got himself off the ground very carefully while he was in a lot of pain.

"You guys are my best friends, you know that?" James panted, pulling his fellow thespians close.

"Oh, Harry," Cani smiled.

"You're going to be alright, Harry," Al said and hugged James. "My boy."

"We'll always love you, Harry," Cani said and joined in the love.

"I love you too, Har-" Fred started to hug James.

"Lose some weight before you hug me, Ron." James snapped before returning to his group hug.

"Huh?" Fred asked looking out into the audience, confused.

The stage went black and the crowd burst into applause. The lights came back up and there was the entire cast onstage bowing. The lights went out again, and they came back on to reveal McGonagall standing in the middle of the six, scowling. They went out one more time and came up to reveal an empty stage. The crowd cheered once more before moving on to the Great Hall for the Opening Feast. They six stars, however, were moved to the Headmistress's office.

**~~~BB~~~**

"Why on Earth would you insult not only the heroes of the Wizarding World, but also your family members?" McGonagall asked.

"Well, you see Lily's coming this year and we had to welcome her right."James said.

"And my dad gave us this great idea about this show called Potter Puppet Pals." Fred continued.

"So we looked it up and thought we'd treat everyone to a little show. Start off a new year and all that." Scorpius said. He wasn't an Immortal, but he had gotten in trouble with them enough to know how to get out of it.

"And there wasn't any rule against it." Al smiled.

"Ahh, but that's where you're wrong," McGonagall smiled, happy to have finally caught them. "As you said, Fred and George did pull a similar stunt and thus so, there is a rule against performing Potter Puppet Pals…"

"In the Great Hall!" The troublemakers chimed in with her. McGonagall's face went white.

"I don't believe we were in the Great Hall, were we Minnie?" Cani asked.

"No, I don't believe you were," McGonagall gritted her teeth.

"How about we just all head down to the Feast then, huh?" Jake smiled." Since no rules were broken." The six got up and left, talking and laughing, leaving a fuming McGonagall behind.

"I've got to remember to send a video of that to their parents." She shook her head and smiled.

**~~BB~~~**

**Tada! Chapter 16! Hope you liked it!**

**Next chapter I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".**

**Who can get the play reference? There's two in here! **

**Review!**

**~Becca**


	17. Pretty Puppy!

**Hee Hee, Hee Hee, I'm SORRY! I've been super busy with real life what with a whole bunch of student council stuff, stage managing/putting the entire damn thing together Mr. My High School, prom, and deciding where I want to go to college next year and what the hell I wanted to do with my life! But it's all over now (almost) so I hope I'll update faster. Also, I hate this rule which severely limited my desire to write a new chapter, I just had a lot of trouble figuring out what to write…**

**Luckily, this block came at the best time possible as I happened to miss all the bugs in the system regarding updating the stories, so thank God for that!**

**On the upside, I decided that I will be attending American University next year for poly sci/international relations.**

**And I was named the VALEDICTORIAN of my graduating class!**

**Yay! Now on to business…**

**Anonymous reviewer Hayley, I did mean 550 rules, I've got them all saved on a 29 page word document on my computer.**

**Thanks to LadyLupin98 for adding this story to favs/alerts.**

**I once again quoted RENT and Into the Woods last chapter.**

**blah blah blah Do not own blah blah blah Pigfarts blah blah blah Starship Ranger blah blah blah Harry Potter blah.**

_**~~~BB~~~**_

**19. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends."**

20. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends."

_**~~~BB~~~**_

"Fred! George! Get down here now!" Molly's piercing voice rang through Grimmauld Place.

"Huh, I wonder why she wants us," Fred asked his partner in crime, a confused look on his face as he leaned against the ladder over Harry's and Ron's room.

"I can't think of anything," George said, putting the bag of peanut butter at his feet. "Ginny promised she wouldn't show anyone Crookshanks's new bed until five."

"Plus, the snakes won't even be awake until then," Fred pointed out. "I guess we might as well head down and see what she wants."

"Yea," George agreed and followed his twin down the stairs to the kitchen. "Plus, who knows, maybe she just wants to tell us how much she loves us!" The two boys stared at each other for a second before bursting out laughing. They didn't stop until they reached the kitchen and saw the look on their mother's face.

"What do you think is so funny, boys?" Molly asked. "Do you enjoy causing your mother pain?"

"Of course not, Mum! Which is why we haven't done anything," Fred said.

"Today," George added when he say that Molly wouldn't take that as an answer.

"No?" Molly asked, slightly purple. "Then who exactly would you say is behind this?"

She brought the two boys into the kitchen to show them that everything, and I mean _everything,_ in the kitchen was covered in bubble wrap. Even the chicken that Molly had been cooking for dinner was wrapped in the packaging.

The twins took one look at the room in a mixture of horror and glee. Horror at the thought of someone else pulling such a genius prank in their own home, and glee at the sheer genius of such a simple idea!

"Well, Mum, it seems like someone wanted to make sure that you were safe," Fred started.

"It looks like they did a very thorough job with it too," George said, inspecting the chicken and popping one of the bubbles. That was the final straw for Molly.

"That's it! I want this room turned back this instant! And if it isn't perfect when I get back, so help me, you'll wish that YOU were the ones covered in bubble wrap!" Molly exploded and left the room as she said her final words.

"What do you think she'll say when she realizes we didn't do this?" George asked his counterpart.

"I don't want to think about it, mate," Fred said, prodding one of the bubbles. "How do you suppose we get rid of this spell anyway?"

"Well, you could always ask the smarter, handsomer wizard behind you how to do it." The twins turned around to see Sirius leaning in the doorway, smiling at the two boys.

"Like I said, George, how do you suppose we get rid of this spell?" Fred asked, ignoring Sirius.

"I don't really know oh, handsomer, smarter wizard than I, but maybe we could ask this old guy how to do it." George smiled and jerked his thumb at the now frowning animagus.

"Good one," Sirius said dryly. "Too bad you need my help to fix this job, eh boys?"

"We don't need you, per say…"

"We could just use your pranking advice on the situation."

"After all, you are the senior pranking member of the household…"

"So it's obvious that you were the one behind this…"

"Even if Mum doesn't realize it…"

"And is determined to blame us."

"So this is what it was like to deal with me and James," Sirius shook his head. "I almost feel sorry for poor Minnie." He gave a quick flick of his wand and put the room back to normal.

"Thanks, Pads!"

"We're forever grateful!"

"But we are curious…."

"Why didn't you let us in on it?"

"Well, you see boys, I thought it was important for you two bookends to see that there are other people in this house who enjoy pranking."

"'Bookends'?" Fred asked, eyebrows shooting up.

"What do you mean, 'Bookends'?" George finished.

"I mean like what you just did," Sirius pointed out, smiling. "You two are the same in every way possible, and I mean _every_ way possible. One always starts something, and the other ends it, just like bookends. You also tend to leave everyone else out, like your friend Lee Jordon for example."

Now, it is ill-advised to tell the Weasley twins that they are the same people. They have very, well, slightly, different….okay they were almost the exact same person split between two bodies, but they hated being told that. Case in point….

**Five hours later….**

"Sirius, must I give you rules even now?" McGonagall asked her former student. She had opened the downstairs closet to find Sirius hogtied, hanging from the ceiling in his dog form in a pink tutu and sparkly doggie tiara. Sirius just shook his head sadly.

_**~~~BB~~~**_

**Back at Hogwarts…**

"You know what, George," Fred asked his twin at the breakfast table. "I was thinking…"

"No, Fred!" George shouted, jumping onto his plate of eggs. "Don't go over to the Dark Side!"

"I'm not George! I'm not thinking about unimportant things like school," Fred exclaimed, jumping besides his brother on the table. "How dare you accuse me of doing something so incredibly insane!"

"Will you two sit down! Some of us would like to enjoy our breakfast in peace!" Malfoy yelled from the Slytherin table.

"Shall we?" Fred gestured towards Malfoy.

"I believe we shall," George said. They both flicked their wands in Malfoy's direction and he soon found himself in nothing but his underwear…or rather his diaper.

"What?" Malfoy yelled in response to the Great Hall's laughter. "All respectable wizards wear diapers!" He stormed out of the room and the Twins got off of the table before McGonagall could enter and figure out what they did. They didn't feel like getting detention just yet…

"Now, brother mine, what is it that you were thinking of?" George asked when they sat down.

"Well, I was thinking of what Padfoot said over the break about us doing just about everything together and leaving him and Lee out of a lot of it."

"What about it?" George asked, taking bite of his (fresh) eggs.

"Well, we do tend to do it a lot, and I want to fix that, but I was wondering," Fred paused. "Do you think that other twins do the same thing?"

"Well, I know a way we can find out…" George smiled and then stood up again. "Hey Padma! Parvati! Get Over Here!"

Padma glared at him from the Ravenclaw table, but she came over nonetheless, she didn't want to be stripped down to her underwear in front of the entire school. Her sister quickly joined her.

"What?" Parvati asked, pouting.

"Well, we were just wondering…"

"Do you two bookends do everything together?"

"And we mean _everything_."

The two girls looked at each other in identical looks of disgust and anger before turning on the red heads with drawn wands. Seconds later the twins found themselves hanging from the ceiling in nothing but their boxers.

"Maybe that wasn't the best idea, mate…" George said to his brother over the laughs of the Great Hall.

"No, now I know how poor Sirius felt." Fred said, smiling at the crowd below them and giving them a wave.

"At least we're not wearing pink…" George said throwing kisses in Angelina's, Katie's, and Alicia's direction.

"Yet…" Fred said in fear when he saw the evil looks the Patil twins were still giving them. "We're not wearing any pink yet…"

"Shit," George said.

_**~~~BB~~~**_

**There you go! I hope to put another chapter up this weekend. Yay no school! **

**Next chapter,**** I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.**

**I quoted a totally awesome musical in here. Clue in the disclaimer…and the previous sentence….**

**Please Please Please Review!**

**~Becca **


	18. Fat, Pissed, In Pain, and In Charge

**I know, I know. Late update. Sorry! But now high school's done, forever! And I have a laptop, so I can basically write whenever I want without people buggin me for the computer, so I really should be better now, I swear!**

**Thanks to ****LadyLupin98, ****Constane Bellatrix Malfoy, xxShatteredSoulxx, and awesomegrl77** **for adding this story to favs/alerts.**

**And thanks to ****PercyJacksonHarryPotter ****for adding me to fav authors/alerts**

**Last chapter I quoted A Very Potter Musical. I've become obsessed recently, that and Glee, unfortunately….**

**I have not, do not, nor will I ever the magical epicness that is Harry Potter.**

_**~~~BB~~~**_

**21. I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.**

_**~~~BB~~~**_

"Hey, Marlene, what do you say me and you go out for a little game of exploding snap tonight?" Sirius whispered into the witch's ear as he came from behind her where she was laying on a couch in the Gryffindor common room.

"I can't tonight, Siri." Marlene grimaced. "I'm not really up to doing anything right now."

"What's wrong, Baby?" Sirius asked, sitting down besides her. "I'm sure its nothing that a little exploding snap can't cure." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he said this.

"Is sex all you can think of?" Marlene roared, stirring the entire common room and directing their attention to their couch in the corner of the room. "I'm sorry that I'm a woman and I have this little thing called a period. I'm fat and pissed and in pain. I am not in the mood to deal with you and your horn dog mind!" With that, Marlene gave one final huff before storming up the stairs to the girl's dormitories where Sirius couldn't follow her.

"What'd I do?" Sirius asked his fellow Gryffindors. The boys all shrugged but the girls rolled their eyes and there was more than one murmur of "Men!"

"This'll blow over, don't worry, Sirius." Frank Longbottom said, clapping Padfoot on the shoulder and gesturing towards the couch. "She's just PMS-ing right now."

"What's PMS?" Sirius asked, confused. Frank just stared at him.

"Are you telling me that playboy Black doesn't know what PMS is?" Sirius shook his head. "Do you know anything about women?"

"Well, I know what they want, if that means anything." Sirius smirked. Frank just shook his head. He had a lot to teach the Black heir.

By the time he had finished, Sirius vowed to never cross a woman on her period ever again…. But there was something else he noticed. The side effects of a period were awfully similar to the side effects of something else…

~~~_**BB~~~**_

"Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony." Padfoot kept repeating in the sixth years' dorm. The Marauders were spread out across the room. James was playing with his snitch, Wormtail was trying to complete his History of Magic essay that had been due two weeks ago, and Remus was trying to read a book…. trying being the key word…

"Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony." Padfoot was bored out of his mind. He had just finished his talk with Frank, which was very enlightening, and he wanted to share what he learned with his friends. Normally, he would've waited until he was finished with Marlene…. But Marlene was in her dorm, where he couldn't go. There was a blizzard outside, so he couldn't go outside and run around as a dog to relieve his sexual tension. And the library…well, Sirius didn't know where the library was, so he definitely couldn't go there, not that he'd want to anyway. So his only option was to sit in his dorm and bother his friends until he could tell them what he had learned.

"Moony. Mooooooooooooooony. Moo. Ny. Moony." Remus was his favorite target, but he wouldn't give any inclination that Padfoot was talking. Prongs and Peter were having fun watching their two friends.

"Moony. Moony. Mooo-ny! Moony. Moony. Moooo-ny!" Sirius started singing and dancing the Cha-cha around the room. That was the last straw.

"WHAT!" Remus roared as he stood up and threw his book down on the table next to him. "What is it that you possibly could want from me?

"Well then," Sirius huffed. "I'm sorry. I only wanted to tell you what a brilliant and handsome wizard you are! I apologize if your precious book is more important than your dearest and closest friends! What is it that you think you can learn from that book that you can't learn from us?"

"Oh, you think you're smarter than the author of this book?" Remus asked, incredulous. "You think you're smarter than…. MERLIN?"

"Whoa, Padfoot," Peter asked, eyes wide. "You're smarter than Merlin?"

"Of course he isn't, Wormtail," Moony snapped. "Now he's just being cute."

Luckily, James decided it was time to intervene when he saw Sirius's eyes grow bright with a challenge.

"Okay, okay. I think you've proved your point, Remus." James said, standing and placing himself between his two friends. "Sirius lay off. You know how Remus gets around the full moon."

"Oh, I forgot," Sirius said, smiling evilly. "Is it your time of month, Remus?"

"What?" Remus spluttered. James hid a smile and stepped back. He would do a lot for Padfoot, but he wasn't getting in the middle of this.

"It's okay, Moony. Frank Longbottom just told me all about it." Sirius said, putting a hand on Remus's shoulder. Moony growled at the hand, but Sirius ignored him. "Once a month, you get bloated, cranky, crampy… You know, PMS."

"PMS?" Remus spit the words out behind clenched teeth. James was now struggling to hold back his laughs.

"Pre-Moon Syndrome." Sirius clasped his hands and nodded solemnly, like a doctor consoling his patient. "It's perfectly natural in teen wolfs your age."

"Is it now…?" Remus ground out. James had now given up trying to hold in his laughter and his loud bursts of laughter were filling the room. "We'll have to see how my, PMS is it? My PMS improves over the next week."

Sirius only smiled.

_**~~~BB~~~**_

The morning after the next full moon, Remus wasn't the only one in the hospital wing. Sirius was there with him. It turns out that the Wolf experienced PMS too, and decided to take out all of his negative feelings on poor, unsuspecting Padfoot.

Padfoot never said a word though. He knew that he deserved this one. The only thing he wished was that Marlene's and Remus's times of the month never occurred during the same week again. He didn't think he would be able to handle it.

_**~~~BB~~~**_

**There you go! This was fun. I got the idea about Sirius not knowing about female anatomy from my friend's sister. She was in Freshman health this year, and couldn't remember anything about the female reproductive system. She knew the guys fine though. Luckily, she graded her own final…**

**Expect an update soon guys! Even faster if you review!**

**Next time: ****I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast to Coast AM transcripts.**

**~Becca**


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